Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Friendship, Dating and Relationships (Part 12)

“Which is more personal, kissing or oral sex?”

As I had a conversation with my sister the other day about a few posts on my blog, she brought up this particular topic. Our thoughts on it are the same but when the question was asked to a few other family and friends, a passionate debate began. The more we discussed this, the more thought I gave into it. Not everyone will agree and because there is no right or wrong answer, where does it leave us? Well, I was able to see and view it from a male and female perspective. Since there are both men and women who still don’t engage in the art of oral sex, some of which I know firsthand, I said, why not ask them. After that, I decided to just break it down into two points of views, men and women.

The woman I asked, who doesn’t do oral sex or “the nasty” as she calls it, was more than willing to speak her mind. At first, I thought that she had a vendetta against men but the more with talked, the more she opened up. When our conversation was over, I had a better understanding of why she felt the way she does about sex and all things pertaining to it. I learned that she grew up in a house full of brothers, who didn’t respect women. She told me of how she would always hear them saying that they were about to do get with such and such and make her give me a blowjob. She even heard a few of her brothers say that they didn’t care anything about a trick, as long as she opens her legs and mouth and let me put my dick where I want to. Now that can turn anyone off were sex is concerned. She later went on to tell me how she met her first love and opened herself up to him, only to be cheated on repeatedly. She confessed that she had once performed oral sex on him and later had to go see her doctor because of a sore she got in her mouth. Well, she was diagnosed with herpes. That is enough to make even the most open-minded bitter, hard, cold and completely disgusted when oral sex is mentioned, kissing too for that matter. I have a new level of respect for her but I hope that she doesn’t stay in her box forever. Although life threw her for a loop, she still deserves happiness, with someone who truly appreciates her.

The guy that I spoke with just plain out said, “I don’t do that because I have yet to find the right one who deserves all of me.” Now I understand that completely. He was referring to oral sex. He said that he doesn’t kiss every woman he comes in contact with and if they are willing to kiss him on the first date, he guards himself because it means that they are easy. (Now that shocked the hell out of me to hear a guy say that.) He said that oral sex was more personal for him than kissing but kissing isn’t taken lightly with him. When I asked him what he thought about receiving oral he laughed. You know I wanted to know what was so damn funny, right! Anyway, he explained to me that men can always find a woman who doesn’t see anything wrong with giving a blowjob. He also said that not many women are good at oral sex, so it really doesn’t matter one way or the other but if he has a woman who knows how to put it down, with no strings attached, and loves performing it on him, he would always have her number on speed dial. Something he said after that really stood out to me. He said that kids are engaging in oral sex like drinking water, as young as elementary school. I have heard cases as such but it still just makes me stomach churn. Who has these kids been around or seeing do this type of stuff? At the end of our conversation, he held firm to the fact that kissing for a man is less personal than oral sex.  

I remembered my favorite movie of all times, “Pretty Woman”, starring Richard Gere and Julia Roberts. Now I can literally watch that movie every day and never get bored from it. This is how I can see where for women, kissing is way more personal than oral sex. Vivian, Julia’s character, is a prostitute, working the streets of Hollywood Blvd. were one night when she and her friend Kit, spots their rent money for the next three or four months. Not everyone can afford to drive or even ride in a Lotus Supreme, so they saw dollar signs and nothing more. Before Vivian left for the evening with her trick, as they call it, she was reminded from her girl that kissing was off-limits because their line of work shouldn’t be taken personal. “Nothing personal, just business”, Kit told Viv before she got into the beautiful, expensive luxury sports car.

My sister and I agree with that concept. We feel that anyone can perform oral sex without reserve, especially a woman. Prostitution still exists because of that fact. Most men go to professionals to receive the forbidden pleasure because either their wife or girlfriend doesn’t engage in such deeds or suck at it. I was on the internet the other night and ran across a man who wrote a book about blowjobs because out of the hundreds of women he had slept with and received oral sex from, there were only a handful of them who really knew what they were doing. He said most men love receiving oral sex but not when it suck. He spoke on about a woman having to really want to do it, want to be good at it and know how it should be done. The most important lesson was that practice makes perfect. And that goes for both men and women, where oral sex is concerned. One can be on that level with their partner, kissing as transpired and then oral sex enters the equation. If the kissing is unbelievable and the oral is downright pathetic, where does it leave the relationship? Just because it’s more personal, does it have to suck? That goes back to a prior post I wrote, about communication.

I find this disturbing because when we commit ourselves in relationships, we all should be able to let down our reserve and our sex life should be taken to another level. Well, not in most cases. It takes a great amount of time, effort and unspeakable trust to let your guard down completely, ultimately opening up ourselves to satisfy our partners on every level of intimacy. For Vivian, she did everything except kiss on the mouth. Edward, Richard’s character, tried to get intimacy from her that way, in fact during more than one scene, but until she completely fall in love with him, Vivian couldn’t bring herself to kiss him by mouth. He was probably used to women kissing and throwing themselves on him because of his status, but he would always become bored, seeking something more. Up until he met Vivian, he wasn’t able to fully commit or completely give his heart of anyone. Yes, he had women, had been married and the whole nine, but was that enough? I guess not, because why else would he pick up a hooker, on Hollywood, ask her to spend the week with her and then fall in love with her? She was indeed a professional, so she had him oral sex without any questions asked. It wasn’t until he saw that kissing was something more for her, that he was able to truly understand her, resulting in him giving of himself.

When I was dating, I didn’t kiss on the first date and if I didn’t feel any chemistry between us, there wouldn’t be a second date. I made one of my boyfriends’ wait for two months for a kiss. I know, that is a stretch but let’s just say this, he is still enjoying those kisses. I had to be sure that he was special enough to go there with. Contrary to belief, the mouth is one of the dirtiest parts of the human body, whereas both the penis and vagina are self-cleaning. So, you can be exposed to more germs living in the mouth than on someone’s genitalia. It’s amazing how we don’t really know this kind of stuff or don’t care when we are getting what we want. I say that to say, be careful. Pay attention. Look at the mouth closely, carefully and leave the lights on if that is what it takes. There are some things we can get and cannot get rid of! The best kind of sex is “safe sex”. Remember that, write it down, take a picture or anything else you need to do in order to keep it embedded in your mind.

Kissing should be special, passionately, intimate. It shouldn’t be just done with any and every one you cross paths with. Besides, there is nothing worse than a bad kisser or bad breath. Well, the same goes for oral sex. Odor is, odor is, odor! Humm, is this another reason that some find kissing more personal than oral sex?  Kissing takes great will and purpose. A lot can be said through a kiss and it can also ignite a burning fire that can lead to oral sex, wild sex, crazy sex, great sex, incredible sex, passionate sex. But I can see why not everyone agrees with me on this, especially men. I got an answer from my cousin, who is a guy, and he said that kissing and oral sex goes hand in hand for him. He said he equally enjoy both, stating that they are both emotionally and physically stimulating for him, especially with the right one.

I feel that men have to be on a more intimate level with a woman in order to go there orally. If he doesn’t have that special connection or emotional bond with her, he usually will just hit it and quit it. He will even receive oral from her if she goes there, no if’s, and’s or but’s about it. There may not even be any kissing going on. We have all been there, done that. Had sex were there was no kissing or oral sex involved because we just wanted to get our fix and move on. Hey, life can get like that sometimes. Don’t feel bad about it. You are not the only one and most certainly won’t be the last. As the R&B group H-town said in their song, “Emotions”, “Emotions make you cry sometimes, emotions make you sad sometimes, but most of all, they make you fall in love”. So, I guess both kissing and oral sex has a lot to do with being in love. It really just has to do with emotions more than anything else. When we are in love with someone, there isn’t usually anything that we wouldn’t do to or for them. Our eyes weren’t big enough to see them. Our hearts aren’t ours anymore. Our minds are constantly thinking on them. We live and breathe them. We go to sleep thinking of them and wake up doing the same damn thing. Yes, it can get a bit overwhelming but when you are not the only one feeling this way, it makes life much more worth having true love. When that type of bond is obvious, our thoughts on life in general, change. Things we have told ourselves and lived by for many years, change. They go completely out the window and we become more open and willing to do any and everything to please the one we love.    

It’s funny how men and women differ in many areas but consequently, we are the same. We just want to be loved completely, honestly and openly. We don’t want to be the giver and receive less than we give or nothing at all. No one wants to be taken advantage of or taken for granted. Sex is a way we express that love, passion, desire for each other. Yeah, we can speak words, expressing our feelings but there is nothing better than physical conversation, through the body whether it be kissing or oral sex. We may not even be able to say “I love you” until lovemaking because the way he/she is putting it on you, the words merely slip out. There is nothing wrong with that, but just please, have the conversation regarding that, after sex is over. That way, your mate doesn’t think that you just said it because of the way they were laying it down. (Although that can have a lot to do with it) I personally feel that if a man/woman can kiss you on the mouth or someplace below the waist, even both, to make you weak in the knees, then you have a keeper. Finding someone who isn’t afraid to let love take them away, is hard to find as it is but when they are willing to go beyond that, it is rare, priceless and that is the person you should spend the rest of your life with.   

So, I guess it’s safe to say that not everyone will think the same where kissing and oral sex are concerned, when it comes to which is more personal but at least we are thinking about it. Don’t just go around putting your mouth on everybody. That’s just plain ole nasty!  Whether you think kissing is or oral sex is more personal, be sure that the person you are investing all of your time and energy into, deserve it.  Don’t give of yourself and get nothing in return. Not that it is even about that because when you are in love with someone, you do things without expecting anything in return. But there is a difference between receiving and taking advantage of, know the difference to protect your heart. Once our heart is captured, it is hard as hell to get it back. Throw emotions into the mix and love has conquered you senseless, nothing is left undiscovered and kissing and oral sex become a part of the relationship, leaving you both in a place where lover’s go. And if those two things are done correctly, there is nothing anyone can say to you to make you stop loving the one you love, the way you do. Enjoy life, enjoy being intimate and enjoy getting to know each other. Have fun, be open and bring out the wild side of one another. Being personal is all about what you conceive it to be in the end. It’s okay that everybody isn’t going to agree with you. Do what makes you and ultimately makes your partner call out your name, say curse words, or leave marks on your back, thighs or any place else. When you are happy, you tend to put every fiber of your being into anything you are passionate about. Go for it, the pleasure waits!  

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