"Just a little gratitude"

In life we often times take for granted the simple things like: a kind smile, warm hug, someone to say I miss and I love you. Instead we dwell on gossip, hate, tearing each other down. Why? What do we truly gain by doing this? Dwelling on the negative doses of reality when there are more positivity to spread into the atmosphere. As society tells it, we are products of our environments so why not make it as bright and airy, optimistic and kind, loving and adventurous as possible?! Live instead of exist. If you don't know the difference between the two, you are in serious trouble! Don't get so caught in being someone you aren't just to appease someone else. If people don't like you for who you are or who you are working hard to become, you don't need them around. Nothing good will come and creating a persona will eventually bite you in the ass! If you are not comfortable in our own skin, how can we enjoy life? How can you truly know who you are? How will you be the best you possible? You cannot! God created us in love, to love not to like each other all the time; but He didn't make us fools. Know your self-worth. Command the respect that you deserve and thank God for placing in you His love for there is no greater gift than LOVE!

Who wants to be around people who are always griping about something? Who wants to surround themselves with negativity? Someone who doesn't love themselves enough to change their attitude into something that has always been inside them? Greatness!! There are enough things going on day in and day out in this world to keep us busy! As I read my bible last night, the book of John, I pictured myself living in the time that Jesus walked the earth. I put myself at the places were he performed miracle after miracle and wondered how the people who witnessed such miraculous things still didn't believe how special, important and loving He was, still is. Healing a man who had been ill for 38 years, turning water into wine and feeding 5,000 people with only two fishes and four loafs of bread, walking on water, just one amazing thing after another. Yet, in the end, He was betrayed in the worst way. I personally thank God daily for His son and what He did for me, for all of us. I am so glad that He lives in me...

The next time you start feeling sorry for yourself or using your tongue to speak curses instead of blessings upon someone's life, remember that had it not been for God, we wouldn't have Jesus and without Jesus, we are merely bodies passing time until total damnation because it will come. The enemy knows how to spruce things up just to get us were he wants us but he cannot be trusted. He is out for himself. Who gets banished from heaven, sitting at the right hand of God and speaks truth? Don't get sucked into the hype! I've rather have the things that I need and be blessed by God than the things I want and desire and live cursed in eternity with the enemy!

Again I say thank you!! Thank you God for sending us Jesus. It's so good to know Him!!

Until next time, be inspired, be encouraged and be blessed...

Purple Hugs & Kisses
Keke Chanel

"New Beginnings"

As Autumn Approaches...

Autumn is a time of full-maturity; a time for change and full potential. “Fall” as it is referred to, is my favorite season of the year. I love that is isn’t too hot or too cold to be outside enjoying the gorgeous transformation taking place right become your eyes. It’s magical! There is something about the way the leaves change color and fall onto the earth creating a beautiful canvas of reds, oranges, yellows and golds: Red, signifying the blood of Jesus; Orange, harvest and praise; Yellow, meaning light, joy and celebration; Gold, Glory to God and purification. *It means all of those things to me*

Autumn paves the way to winter, the birth time of Jesus. To me it’s a sense of renewal, strength, promise and knowing that I am never alone even when I feel lonely. *I am so glad to know that being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. Most people don’t grasp that concept. For example: Being lonely is when you are the only one at home, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are alone. That time can be a blessing; a moment of “me time”, whereas being alone is having no one at all in your life to talk to, hang out with or just for support.*

Autumn is a way of reflection and remembrance, a new beginning. Some may not see it as I and it’s perfectly okay. There is no right or wrong answer just my opinion and belief in what autumn means to me. The fact that it is the start of the holiday season and I get to spend more time with my family and close friends brings a smile to my heart. Thanksgiving is my second favorite holiday, my first being New Year’s Day. *It’s my birthday…LOL*

Many people get sad and depressed during this time of year because they may not have families to spend time with or simply have the meaning of the season confused with spending money on gifts or the great deals they can get on Black Friday! When you truly open your heart, mind and soul to the true meaning of the season, everything looks and feels differently. The small and petty stuff becomes irrelevant.

It’s not about what sweater looked good with what pair of skinny jeans or what pair of boots to buy, or which scarf matches the color of your eyes, it’s much deeper. Although fall attire is awesome and I do love a great pair of boots and skinny jeans, I look beyond the material things focusing more on self-preparation and the embracement of change. Doing so keeps me humble, motivated and inspired to try new things; to step out of my comfort zone and push myself beyond my limits. If you don’t encourage yourself, who will?

If I am blessed to see winter, which brings a new year, I set realistic goals to achieve so that I stay faithful, trusting and dependent on the higher power which dwells within me, not make resolutions that will more than likely be broken by Valentine’s Day. Don’t go into a new season as the old you! Challenge yourself to become better in mind, body and spirit. Your heart and soul will thank you for it profusely. You will feel healthier and happier than you ever can imagine.

You hold the key to whether you embrace change or become complacent with the way things already are. If we never grow, what’s the point of existing because living in hell isn’t how God wants us to live? Take risks! Go into the new season with expectancy and with an open mind to try something you normally wouldn’t. Share this idea with someone and try something new together. I plan to do just that. Make autumn your best season yet, and make lasting memories that will live on forever. “Remember that your book is not complete until you are no longer here to write the next chapter!”

Until next time, be inspired, be encouraged and be you!!!!

Purple Hugs & Kisses

Keke Chanel       

Who’s In Your Circle???

I believe that the people we have in our lives play a huge role in how successful or unsuccessful we are. Think about it! People, who surround themselves with positive, hardworking, determined, and open-minded people, will most likely become the leaders, go-getters, makers and shakers of our society. They eventually become the CEO’s, World Leaders, Media Moguls, and Highest Paid Entertainers in the world.  People, who have a passion for not just existing but living, are least likely to get involved, focus or care about negative aspects of life and that of other people. Sure they are concerned when it is a friend or family member, but it doesn’t affect their outlook on life by getting too wrapped up in the situation. Plus, some people don’t want help but are simply attention seekers. For example, have you ever known anyone who is always complaining about being sick but won’t go to the damn doctor! Someone who is always broke, but won’t get a job! Yeah, these are people I refer to as attention seekers because once the attention in focused upon them, they suddenly feel better or have money to lend you. These types of people truly make my ass itch!!!

It’s really simple if you ask me, and if you didn’t ask I’ll tell you anyway. Take a recovering addict for example. It would be suicide to get a job working at a liquor store if you are a recovering alcoholic or become friends with someone who lives at a crack house if you were addicted to crack. We have to use common sense and better judgment when letting anyone who is nice to us into our circle. People have hidden agendas and will pretend to be in your corner until there is a sign of success then they will step on your back trying to get ahead of you, or even pray against your blessings. It’s sad that it’s more often times than not, the people closest to us because we just allowed them to enter our world without doing a “why are you trying to be a part of my circle” check. Don’t be so in need of people for validation or acceptance that you just open yourself up to a world of negativity! They will consume and suffocate the life right out of you.

Being in good company can keep our minds on the goals and aspirations we have set for ourselves in order to achieve them, as well as surpass them in the future. Positive don’t usually tend to get washed up in gossip or nonsense like Miley Cyrus twerking on national television. *Like I said to a friend, she is young and doing just what it takes to sell albums. If she doesn’t see anything wrong about her behavior, who am I to criticize her. She isn’t the first and won’t be the last to make “bad decisions” in her youth. I know I have made plenty, But GOD!!! Now back to a regularly scheduled program…lol* Instead we focus on what drives us, the things that we are passionate about. Positive people don’t care about such things that don’t involve us because our minds are constantly turning with new ideas to help make our future brighter than yesterday.

It’s not about the fortune or fame, although it isn’t disregarded, I think it’s more about how we contribute and impact our society in a positive way; leaving a legacy that we will be proud of when we are no longer here. Something that our children and grandchildren can benefit from, so that their lives are better than the generation before them; it becomes a positive cycle that flows from generation to generation. Look at Johnson & Johnson, Wal-Mart or Hilton, the people who started these companies didn’t always hear “yes” but they weren’t content in dwelling on the word “no”. It was hard and I know that the people who they probably started their journey with many of them couldn’t endure the crawl before the walk. *I bet they are still kicking their ass from the grave, thinking about how their life and the lives of their loved one could have been different. But hey, you win some and you lose some. It’s up to us whether we stand or fall. Rome wasn’t built in a day and if you cannot handle to small setbacks, you won’t be able to handle the big ones either.* But the people who didn’t give up, lose hope or succumb to the negativity, are smiling their asses off. Because of their positive attitude, positive circle and positive thinking, now their families and the people who helped them make their dreams become a reality won’t ever have to worry about being secure in their futures. Having a positive circle keeps things in perspective. Positive people don’t expect anything in return accept “paying it forward” to help someone else grow. We see the same qualities in each other which push us harder to leading a healthy and happy life.

Negative energy will suck the life right out of you, especially if you are not strong enough to endure the many trials that come along with life. Trust me when I tell you, they will come and more rapidly when you are on the right path, in the right mindset, and surrounded by the right people. Negativity is seriously, a waste of time! And we all know that time is something we cannot get back. So who’s in your circle??? I challenge you to evaluate your life; each area of it. The people, who are always asking, taking, waiting, expecting and never giving anything of themselves don’t need to be in your circle. The places and things that only bring you misery, grief or ten steps back, shouldn’t be a part of your destination. You may lose a few people along the way but no everyone is to walk with you on your journey. It’s okay because God will give you more than you can fathom when you allow Him to lead your path. Think about it!!!

Until next time, be inspired, be encouraged and be you!!!

Purple Hugs & Kisses,

Keke Chanel

Live in the French Quarters… 

table setup

Before the event...

On this past Saturday night, deep in the heart of New Orleans in all of its’ charm, at the restaurant Ralph and Kacoo’s sitting nestled in the French Quarter, I had the honor of being the special guest for an event given by Allison Ruckus of A Natural Hair Community. I was so excited when she offered the invitation to me. We met this year at another event and there was just something about her that put me at ease. I attended an event she sponsored a few weeks later and being that everyone is on social media, she used the business card I handed out that day to her and got in touch with me. She is such an awesome woman, who also has her own hair and skin line of products called “Natural Hair Community”.

Me and Allison

I got a chance to meet a group of phenomenal women. We laughed, mingled, talked and got a chance to interact with each other on a personal level because of a more intimate setting. Although there is nothing wrong with big crowds, being able to actually speak with each other face-to-face leaves a lasting impression. I always enjoy meeting new people and networking, but this group of wonder ladies seemed to give me strength. I am not a big public speaker but over the years I have found myself in front of crowds. Usually I am nervous, which becomes evident to the audience at some time due to my demeanor, but this night I took a deep breath, looked into the room of beautiful smiling faces, feeling the love. I was my usual “country” speaking, bright-eyed self. Hey, I am from the great state of Louisiana. Shout out to my people from “da boot”! LOL

The evening was a great success! Our server Elizabeth AKA “OOGEY” was amazing. She attended our needs as well as joined in with our conversations and discussions. Her attitude generated a positive vibe throughout the environment the entire night. She is also a book lover, so hopefully she will become a fan of Keke Chanel’s. *winks*

The food was delicious and the ‘quiet storm’ was anything but quiet! (a drink only made in New Orleans) 

"The Quiet Storm"

The ambience was calming, decorated with Mardi Gras masks, pictures of old plantations and other local apparel. Allison raffled off several prizes during the evening and our grand prize winner of an autographed book and Deadly in Stilettos t-shirt was Ms. Daffenie  Narcisse. She is such a joy! Her smile warmed my spirit.

Ms. Daffenie
*grand prize winner*

I don’t remember everyone’s name, but I would like to say "thank you" again for coming out and getting to know a little country girl from the small town of Greensburg, Louisiana and giving her a chance to share herself with you. I truly appreciate you more than you can ever know. I look forward to the next event!

I posted a few pictures below. Enjoy! Until next time, be inspired, be encouraged and be YOU!!!

Purple Hugs and Kisses,

Keke Chanel

   

Toya
Newest #TeamKekeChanel member

Keira and Michelle
Founders of Happi 2B Nappi/Natural

More pictures are posted on my instagram page: _keke_chanel

You can also follow me on twitter: @keke_chanel

My two cents…

We cannot expect FAVOR living FOOLISHLY!!!

This topic has been weighing heavy on my heart for a few days now. I usually don’t write about something of this nature on my blog, but rather in my personal journal. I figured what harm could it do? People will do one of two things: Accept it or not! And in knowing that not everyone will agree with everything that I write anyway, why not just write about any and every thing I feel led to, after all, if I cannot be true to myself, how can I be true to my readers? ‘I am a voice that needs to and deserves to be heard.’

In life we experience good and bad, do the right and wrong things but at the end of the day, we should take responsibility and accept the consequences without blaming others because of our own actions. Life is hard enough without adding foolish things into the mix, and then to expect good things to come to us, which I cannot fathom. No, I am not preaching and fussing, judging or any other thing associated with putting anyone down. I am not perfect. I am merely sharing my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I was a backslider, living with a mind of the world instead of a mind for the kingdom of God. When I finally decided that it just isn’t worth it that is when I started to see and receive favor in my life. I don’t put my mouth on, think I’m better than or look down upon others because I am not perfect. I don’t profess or pretend to be. I am human but mostly I am a child of God, trying to live accordingly. *I know that I am a work in progress, striving to reach my destiny and my footsteps are ordered by God*

Yes, in the past I have done things, said things that I look back on and thank God that I’ve been delivered from. If I am able to help someone else from going down the same road of destruction as I have, I feel that it is my duty as a Christian to help. But, that person has to what help. Some just simply want to live foolish. Well, I am here to say that I am living proof that we cannot expect favor living foolishly. It cannot happen, won’t happen and don’t happen! Everything comes with a price. It’s our decision whether we are rewarded eternally or temporarily.

For example: Gossip. When someone comes to you with it, don’t entertain it! Let it be known from the start that it is something you don’t participate or tolerate in your presence. Don’t condone bad behavior or bad decisions of others. Being guilty by association is just like doing the act. Let’s face it, a sin is a sin! Doing wrong is doing wrong! Think before you act. Seek revelation before making situations that will effect each person around you because it will eventually, creating a domino effect. One foolish act is followed by many. Just like telling one lie starts a chain reaction.

What ever happened to the Golden Rule? Doing unto others as you would have them do unto you? Treating others the way you want to be treating? Being selfish isn’t an option when you have the love of Christ living inside you, which brings conviction. “Being convicted creates change, which produces clarity and controlled behavior.” If you don’t agree, try it and see! “There is nothing worse than someone without a soul because being soulless cause corruption, ultimately leading to chaos.”

When we live right, good things happen, producing positivity, productivity. Favor creeps upon us like we cannot imagine, but the beauty of it is profound. People notice. Our light shines brighter causing sparks to everything we touch, in a mighty way. Why could anyone want to live otherwise? Being foolish is just a ploy of the enemy whispering sweet nothings in our ear. It doesn’t last long because at some point in time, doing the right thing will come into play. If not, total damnation will take us out, death becoming that unwanted visitor rapidly knocking down our door.

 Think about it!!!!

I would love to know your thoughts…please share.

Until next time, be inspired, be encouraged and be you!!!

Purple Hugs & Kisses,

Keke Chanel

Excerpt From Naughty or Nice

Sugah

            SUGAH LOOKED around a bit dazed until her eyes focused. She was still tied up. They still had her. She had been out again but this time it took longer to focus. What had they shocked her with? Had they given her some sort of injection while she was out before to make her sleep? Her entire body ached. She was hungry and thirsty. She had to use the bathroom, and was ready to go home. Sugah could also smell the familiar scent of blood lingering in the room with her. She suddenly thought back to the black plastic bag next to her in the van. What was, or should she say who, was in it? She had been around enough dead bodies in her day to know its’ presence. And something or someone was definitely dead. Suddenly she felt wetness running down her head, realizing that it was her own blood that she smelled. She was wounded.

When was someone coming back to check on her? Her head was spinning which made her dizzy. She moved slightly, careful to keep quiet. She realized that she was still in the bedroom. The bed made a squeaking sound underneath her, and Sugah immediately froze. She heard voices on the outside of the door knowing that they were headed in her direction. She braced herself for what would happen, but she wasn’t afraid. If they wanted to play rough, she would be ready. No one held her against her will. The last time someone hurt her, they didn’t live to tell the story.

Sugah didn’t wanna kill again, but if it was the only way she could survive, then so be it. She took a trip down memory lane, thinking of her crazy past.  

            Bishop Stevens was handsome in every sense of the word. The first time Sugah laid eyes on him, she was hooked. She was still in high school, a freshman at the time, and he was a senior in college. There was just something about older guys that she loved.

She was leaving the library one day when she decided to stop off at the local deli to pick up something for her and her mother to eat for dinner. Bishop was there with a few of his friends. When she walked by, they all tried to holla at her, but it was Bishop’s charm and chiseled features, and the fact that he made her laugh, that won her attention.

            She knew him right away because not only was he every girl’s dream, he was also a great athlete. The local university won many championships over the years with Bishop leading their victories. All of her friends drooled over him. Sugah even knew an upperclassman that used to date him, although the girl had disappeared suddenly, and no one knew where she went. Bishop was going places and Sugah thought that it would be a wonderful experience to stand next to him as his girl.

            Sugah lied about her age when he asked her, knowing that was the first mistake in their relationship. They would cross that bridge when they came to it, she thought smiling as he asked for her number. He called her later that night and they talked for hours about everything. They met up the next day and soon became inseparable. Her mother didn’t seem to notice, or didn’t care. It saddened Sugah that she wasn’t concerned with her life anymore, but now that she was older, she could take care of herself. She never stopped loving and caring for her mother, but the fact that she didn’t want her around anymore, pushed Sugah and Bishop closer together. He picked her up from school, came to the library with her, and always made sure she had dinner before taking her home. Sugah confided in Bishop about her mother, and he was very supportive. He didn’t judge their family or treat her differently because his family was perfect. Sugah later learned that they weren’t so perfect, but only a cover up by Bishop.

            Bishop’s family had many deep, dark secrets, one being that his father was actually his uncle and his mother deceived his father into marrying her by lying about being pregnant for him. His father was impotent, the result of a childhood accident, but because he wanted to become a father, and Bishop’s mother was the love of his father’s life, their family became a blended disaster. Bishop witnessed many horrible things growing up, which later got the better of him in his own relationships.  

            Sugah remembered coming home one day not feeling well and saw her mother deep in thought. She tried asking what was wrong and her mother told her that she asked too many damn questions and that she was the mother. Her mother never spoke harshly to her, so Sugah knew something was wrong. She walked to her room in tears, called Bishop to come pick her up, and lost her virginity that very day.

He was a great lover, always tending to her every want, need and desire. He was gentle, sweet, kind and attentive, but some things he did to her didn’t feel right, but she brushed them off. That day, Sugah experienced her first of many orgasms.

After that, she was head over heels in love. She became like a fiend for Bishop and his sexual skills. He was her addiction, and she wanted no one else. The first time he licked her pussy, she thought she had died and gone to heaven. But then he licked her asshole and gave her the most intense orgasm by sticking his finger inside. Sugah thought her body would shake forever. She didn’t even know you could come like that.

Bishop opened up a new world to Sugah, which she quickly gravitated to. They fucked like rabbits, and soon Sugah became aware that sex was a powerful weapon, which caused people to act certain ways. Bishop was no different. He always seemed to fuck her harder, deeper and more passionate whenever they were out and he saw a nice looking guy around, which he always pointed out to her first. It was strange, but Sugah wasn’t worried because she was getting some good dick and all the tricks, licks, and everything else that came along with it.

Pussy was the ruler of the world, Sugah concluded, which she used freely on her lover, doing things she never thought she would. She realized then that she had become Spice long become meeting Coffee and joining the Organization.

Two years passed, but her and Bishop’s relationship soon took a turn for the worse. Before that, Sugah was Bishop’s partner in crime. Bishop started getting death threats for throwing important games. He had gotten tangled up with some bad, yet powerful people who promised to make him very rich or make his life suffer if he didn’t go along with their little fiasco. Sugah tried to talk Bishop out of it, but he told her to mind her own business, that he was a man who handled his own. Well, Sugah had suffered great because of his arrogance or ignorance. Before that, she and Bishop hurt many people.

The first time she saw a dead body was scary, but Sugah soon got over it. She would help Bishop set them up, bringing them to their secret location, but never harming anyone until after what happened to her took place. All she did was be the lookout while Bishop did the rest, which she never asked about. Sugah figured the less she knew the better.

The people who Bishop was in cahoots with learned that he was dealing with another group making money on both sides, which didn’t sit too well with them. They needed to show him that they meant business, so Sugah was the blunt of the example. They took her from her bedroom one night, taking her to an empty warehouse. Sugah remembered being raped and beaten severely, left for dead in front of her home. Her mother found her and called 911. She spent weeks in the hospital recovering. Bishop was furious. He apologized over and over promising to make things right. After that, things got back to normal and Sugah was happy. She and Bishop’s relationship grew closer. He promised to love and protect her forever, which she believed until the rumors about him cheating surfaced.

She and her mother’s relationship got better, but not the way it once was. Sugah knew that something was going on now more than ever. She didn’t press any longer though. If her mother wanted her to know, she would tell her in her own time. Until then, Sugah went on about her life, making sure to keep her grades up. Her only chance of getting away was by getting a scholarship. Relying on Bishop for help wasn’t an option for her any longer. And she had developed secrets of her own, which she wanted to get far away from once she graduated high school.

Sugah shifted slightly in the bed again trying to keep from releasing her bladder. She held her breath and counted to twenty in hopes that it would help. That was a trick she learned from her mother when she was a little girl, and whenever they went out for the day.

Sugah smiled thinking of her mother. Then just as the smile appeared across her face it quickly faded. What if she never saw her mother again? What if she never saw Coffee again? Tears threatened to kiss her cheeks, but she refused to let them. Now was not the time for weakness. Her survival depended on it.

She didn’t hear the voices just outside her door anymore. Had Mocha and Cap left her alone there to rot? She wouldn’t put it past them, now that she knew they were capable of deception. She thought back to another dark place in her life, something she hadn’t wanted to think about again. She felt a single tear kiss her cheek, and fought hard to keep her feelings buried deep inside her soul. Sugah didn’t need those secrets exposed and would take them to her grave.

The first time was intoxicating, and Sugah soon became aroused by it. After she got home from the hospital, she vowed to find the men who hurt her and make them suffer. It wasn’t hard to do when she found out their whereabouts, but she still wanted to be discreet. She didn’t need their deaths linked or traced back to her. That’s why she worked her plan weeks prior by becoming friendly with them first. That was the way she drew them in. A friendly teenager with curves of a woman in all the right places, what man could resist? Sugah learned again just how dumb the opposite sex could be when it came to getting to taste some young pussy. It ever ceased to amaze her.

Her first victim was called Bowlegs. Bowlegs, was a very handsome guy, with dark skin, light eyes and wavy hair. He was every girl’s dream. His sexy smile made Sugah want to throw her panties at him, even though she wanted to rip his head off. He was an athletic build, standing over six feet tall, with smooth features. The dimple in his left cheek sent all the girls and women into a state of bliss. Bowlegs knew he was sexy, and used that to his advantage. He got his nickname because his legs were shaped like a bow, when referencing it to an arrow. He walked like Denzel Washington in Mo’ Better Blues; confident and cool. His swag was off the charts.

Sugah spotted him first and made her move. She walked right passed him, adding a little something extra to her step. When she came out of the store he was waiting for her just as she had expected. She played hard to get to make things more believable because if she was too easy, he would have probably gotten suspicious.

“Yo ma, hold up. Come here! Can I see you fa a minute,” he said using his head to signal a come over here gesture.

“No thank you,” Sugah recalled saying walking away from him.

“That’s cold, ma!”

He didn’t like being turned down and when one of his boys laughed he sent his ass to stepping. “Da fuck’s you laughing at? I don’t see you getting any play either, Ma-fucka,” Sugah recalled hearing Bowlegs say.

“Whatever, that young thang gon turn yo ass out! Look at that camel toe. I know that pussy fat and sweet. You better watch out, Man,” the dude replied before shaking his head at her and jumping into his car. That left only the both of them, just how she hoped.

Once his little irritation was gone, Bowlegs jogged to catch up to her. They talked and when Sugah told him she had a man that seemed to pique his interest more. When she told him Bishop’s name, Bowlegs knew in his mind that he had to have her. He never did like Bishop, and that also played to Sugah’s advantage. Dudes were all the same. They always wanted some other mans’ girl, especially one they didn’t fuck with.

“Yo, let me take you out sometime. Or,” he looked around, “I don’t see your man picking you up, let me roll you home.”

After a few no’s and more persistence from Bowlegs, Sugah finally agreed. She sat innocently in his whip ready to perform an award-winning performance. She remembered all the horrible things he did to her, and she wanted to make him suffer.

 “You know what Bow. I’m really not ready to go home yet. We can go somewhere more private to talk if you want to,” she innocently said looking down at her hands.

Bowlegs’ face lit up like a nightlight. “Hell yeah, bet. I like you, Shawty. Bishop a lucky dude, but what you see in that shady ma-fucka? He soft as fuck, and personally I think you can do better. That nigga into dick anyway! Word on the street is that he likes to get fucked, if you know what I mean.”

Sugah was speechless although she heard the same rumors floating around about Bishop. She didn’t have reason to believe them, so she didn’t entertain them. “I doubt that very seriously, he takes care of this pussy very well,” was all she managed to say while opening her legs and showing Bowlegs her lace underwear. He nearly had a damn wreck looking at her sweet stuff. The smell of pineapples filled the air, and he was a goner.

“Damn, yo shit smell like Bath & Body works; a goddamn pineapple field.”

Changing the subject, Sugah rubbed Bowlegs thigh. That quickly got his attention. “Hell yeah, fuck dat nigga! What’s up with you and me, Shawty?”

“You tell me,” Sugah recalled saying, staring straight into Bowlegs eyes.

When they pulled up to his apartment, his dick was so hard he had to unzip his pants to breathe. He leaned over and kissed Sugah, which surprisingly turned her on. He was fine! She returned his kiss, rubbing his dick with her hand. “Oh girl, that shit feels so good. Come over here and sit on it. Let me see what your young, sweet ass can do with all dis dick,” he said between moans. Sugah almost laughed. His dick was big.

The icepick resting in her back pocket called at her. She moved over to sit on Bowlegs lap as he directed. She was wearing a mini short, and he began rubbing her ass, slapping it, while rubbing her clit with his fingers. She was tempted to just fuck him, but she felt disgusted. The way he slapped her ass triggered what happened at the warehouse. He did the same thing as he pounded into her from the back. Was that he signature move or something? ‘How fucking lame,’ Sugah thought almost laughing in his face. She fucked the shit out of his fingers while having a big ass orgasm though. He stuck one of his fingers inside of her, nearly coming all over himself.

“Shit yo pussy wetter than a ma-fucka! I gotta have some of that. Damn, you came hard. Let me taste it, Shawty. You gonna fuck around and make a playa fall in love with yo ass. That shit tight as fuck. Just let me stick the head in. I promise to be gentle.”

Sugah couldn’t believe how weak he actually was. If he was acting like a bitch just by touching, he would become a stalker if she fucked him.

Just when he tried to move her panties to the side and penetrate her, she pulled the icepick from her pocket and jabbed it into the side of his neck. His eyes opened in shock and he tried to push her off of him. Sugah didn’t budge. She grabbed his dick and squeezed on it. He tried to scream, but couldn’t.

“I bet you remember me now huh, muthafucka? Too bad you fucked the wrong girl. Now, you won’t get to fuck anyone else!” She licked the side of his face with an evil smile.

 A knowing look appeared in his eyes, while a trail of blood ran down his neck as he took his last breath staring straight at her. She gazed into his dying eyes so that when he got to hell, he still would remember her being the reason he was there.

“You should have listened to yo boy,” she whispered into his ear as he took his final breath.

“Such a waste of good dick,” Sugah said looking down at Bowlegs meat resting hard as a rock in her hand. He had to be over ten inches, and from the talk of the hood and her personal experience, she knew that he knew how to use it. “Oh well,” she said.

Sugah quickly wiped her fingerprints from the weapon, and also made sure nothing else she touched in the car or on his person was traceable. She then got out of the car running off in the darkness, leaving Bowlegs lifeless. That night, Sugah slept like a baby thinking of a plan to get the other two men who hurt her.

Weeks went by and Sugah had become a coldhearted killer. The next two people she took out were sexier and more handsome than Bowlegs. They were brothers; light skinned, dark eyes, nice smiles, and built like stallions. They were known hustlers, who attended the same college as Bishop.

So’Lo was the smart one of the two and wasn’t into sports, but Pretty Ricky dominated the football field. Everyone knew who they were, praising them graciously with money, clothes, cars, jewelry, pussy and every other thing they could imagine. Sugah set a trap and quickly reeled them in. They didn’t stand a chance once she entered their lives. And the fact that she was young, unknown and didn’t seem fazed by them made them want her even more.

Pretty Ricky and So’Lo had become a distant memory to the community, just as Bowlegs. She was able to do a two for one with them, but it cost her. While she fucked Pretty Ricky, So’Lo watched with anticipation. He stroked his dick watching her watch him as she rode Pretty Ricky’s dick reverse cowgirl. He didn’t know what hit him when she used her icepick to slice his throat. Just before Pretty Ricky busted a nut, Sugah whispered into his ear, “I just killed your brother and you are next. I’m just about to cum first, though. You owe me that much!” Before he could say or do anything, the icepick pierced the side of his neck. She came hard from the thrill of the kill.

Sugah didn’t have to worry about fingerprints because she didn’t leave anything to check. She set fire to the car and walked away like a scene from a movie. The car was parked in the same warehouse they violated her at, so she didn’t hesitate torching the car, their bodies, or the place that haunted her at night. Their deaths had become national deadlines, but Sugah went on about her business like nothing happened. After all, no one knew or would ever find out she was involved.

She had one year left of high school and it couldn’t end fast enough. Things between her and her mother were better, after her attack. They talked more and spent time together. Sugah was happy to have her mother slightly back, but her relationship with Bishop was taking a turn for the worst. It was like after what happened to her, he didn’t wanna be around her; almost like he was afraid or something. Sugah couldn’t understand what was going on, but quickly thought about all the rumors she heard floating around about him. Bishop was being secretive, didn’t want to have sex with her like before, and whenever she called him, he didn’t answer his phone, calling back hours later.

The rumors about his sexual preference grew stronger, and Sugah wanted to know the truth. She didn’t care, but if she was his girl, she needed answers. If he wanted to be with someone else all he had to do was say so. She wasn’t in the business of making someone be with her who didn’t want to, and she never would be.  

The day he put his hands on her for asking his whereabouts, was the biggest mistake of his life. Sugah hadn’t heard from him in days, which was unusual, so she wanted to know where he had been. Bishop quickly got defensive. That only made her angrier. She knew she shouldn’t have provoked him, but it didn’t give him reason to put his hands on her. The first slap stung like a bee, but the first punch pushed Sugah into a world of oblivion. She lost it, he lost it, and they lost it together. Bishop eventually got the best of her leaving her badly injured, emotionally drained and physically scarred. Him putting his hands on her triggered recent episodes, which Sugah didn’t want to relive. How was she gonna go home to her mother, Sugah thought after cleaning herself up as best she could in his bathroom. When she walked out, Bishop was in the living room but he wasn’t alone. He looked at her in disgust, told her to get out and pulled the person with him into his bedroom closing the door to her. She immediately heard the sound of moaning knowing what was happening. It made her sick to her stomach because she felt betrayed by the person she loved.

            That night Sugah ached, crying herself to sleep. The next morning she got up, skipped school, and went to Bishop’s apartment. He was in class so she waited. Apparently he was expecting someone else because shortly after she was let in by the maintenance man, his new friend used a key to open the door. They only stared at each other, sizing one another up. Sugah didn’t want to hurt anyone else, all she wanted were answers. It was apparent that she wasn’t leaving, so the other person turned and left without a word, but not before staring her down with a disgusting look. She only smiled and waved ‘bye-bye’. When Bishop came home to find her there, he acted like nothing happened, although the look on his face told her he was not happy to see her. Sugah tried talking to him but he wanted something else from her.

They fucked one last time like savages, only he didn’t know it would be their last as she did. It was different and he did things to her that he never had before, which sent up a red flag. Sugah cried the entire time he was behind her, pounding like a wild dog in heat. Once he drifted off to sleep, Sugah went to his closet and pulled out his baseball bat. Hitting him softly until he woke up, Sugah couldn’t deny the wickedness soaring through her veins. Bishop jumped up scared as hell. She laughed in spite of the situation. “If you ever put your hands on me again, you won’t live to think about it,” she said with a look in her eyes that let him know without question that she wasn’t messing around.

Bishop held his hands up in surrender. “Baby, I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry,” were the words he called out.

She smiled knowing that his little secret was about to ruin him. His life would be over. She wanted him to feel the shame she felt each day after her assault, which he never did anything about. If she hadn’t taken matters into her own hands, Bowlegs, Pretty Ricky and So’Lo would still be walking around like God’s gift to the earth, and would have probably ruined some other girl’s life.

 Wanting to end Bishop’s pathetic life right then and there, Sugah left his apartment that evening walking home instead. He would be exposed soon enough, and would probably off himself once he couldn’t take it anymore. How could she have been so naïve? Sugah was angry with herself for not seeing Bishop for who he truly was. She realized then that pussy wasn’t the only thing that blinded people; dick was a powerful weapon as well.

Sugah was just around the corner from her house when she saw Bishop pulling up in his SUV behind her. Suddenly she felt that things were about to take a turn for the worse. He stopped at a screeching halt. Pushing the passenger door open, he looked like a madman. “Get the fuck inside the truck, now!”

Sugah wanted to run down the street to her house but she knew she wouldn’t make it, plus she didn’t want to alarm her mother or put her life in harm’s way. The look on Bishop’s face told her that he wouldn’t hesitate hurting her if she didn’t do what he said. She slowly got into the truck against the voice in her head telling her not to. They drove for what felt like hours, ending up in the deep of the woods. Bishop threw the truck into park and got out. He walked around to her side, opened the door and pulled her out by the hair.

“I am gonna teach you a lesson, bitch! No one threatens me like the way your little young ass did. What the fuck did you tell Ramone, huh? He called me upset after you left, saying that when he got to my place you were there. If you have ruined things between us, you will be sorry! I know I never should have gotten involved with your ass. I was just using you as a pawn in order for me and Ramone to be with each other, but you were just so damn needy. You make me sick to my stomach. No wonder they fucked you up the way they did. I should have given them more money. Now come here!”

“What? Wait a minute, what are you talking about? You mean to tell me that you knew what they were gonna do to me and didn’t do anything to stop them! You bastard! How could you do this to me? I hate you! I fucking hate you! You are gonna pay for this, I promise you will!” Sugah couldn’t stop crying. She felt betrayed in the worse way, by someone she opened her heart completely to. By someone she had given her most precious possession to. She rushed Bishop, hitting him with all her might, but he stopped her.

“Oh, shut the fuck up! I don’t care anything about want happened to your sorry, young ass. Hell, I paid them to do it. I wanted them to kill you but they didn’t. Soft fuckers, I should have just killed you a long time ago. You should be thanking Ramone for that because he was the one who said to just leave you be. If it were left up to me, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now!”

“You did what?” Sugah asked just above a whisper. She couldn’t believe her ears. Bishop set her up. He wanted her dead. What had she done to him for him to hate her that much? She refused to allow the tears stinging the backs of her eyes to fall. She wouldn’t appear weak in front of the likes of him. In that moment, Sugah knew that she wanted Bishop to pay for his actions. She knew that she wanted him dead. Her will to kill again surged throughout her being. She became energized. Her icepack was underneath her clothing but she couldn’t get to it while Bishop was watching. She did the next best thing, acted like she was sorry. Her performance was golden.

Sugah begged and pleaded with Bishop. She promised to never do it again and apologized just to get his attention. Sadly, he wasn’t trying to hear anything she said. “You can save all that shit! It is falling on deaf ears, bitch. I could give a fuck about you. Bring your ass here,” he said pulling her deeper into the woods. “Now that you know my secret, I cannot chance you telling anyone.”

“I won’t! I promise. No one has to ever know Bishop,” she spoke. “Your secret is safe with me. I’ll even continue to be your girlfriend so that no one suspects anything. Baby, I heard all the rumors and I’ll do anything to stop them”.

It sickened Sugah to beg like that, but she had to buy some time. The look in Bishop’s eyes scared her for the first time. He looked insane, totally psychotic. In that moment, she knew that she didn’t have a clue as to who he truly was.  

Bishop ignored her. He pulled her farther into the deep woods. When he knew they were away from any chance of someone hearing them, he stopped and he hit her hard, knocking her on to the ground.

Sugah fought her rage as best she could but it was getting the best of her. She thought about her mother. What would happen to her? How was she going to survive? Sugah didn’t want her life to end. Not like this, and especially not now. She had things to do, to accomplish, and she wouldn’t die by the hands of Bishop. No, when she went out it wouldn’t be by his punkass. She felt wetness on her face knowing that she was crying. She didn’t want to appear weak in front of him, but it was too late.

“Oh…so you wanna cry now, huh? Well, Imma give you something to cry about you fucking little whore!”

            Bishop took off his belt and started beating her with it, hitting every part of her body. He beat her for what felt like forever. His cell phone buzzed and Sugah knew that it was her chance to run. Without thinking she got up, pushed Bishop as hard as she could and ran. He made a grunting sound and Sugah turned to look back. He was on the ground with a stick protruding from his neck, piercing his jugular vein. Blood poured from his wound and out of his mouth like a raging spring. He gasped for breath but soon nothing. His foot shook before he took his last breath staring straight at her.

A devilish grin formed across her face as she walked back to where he lay on the ground. Sugah kneeled down in front of him so he could hear her clearly. “Checkmate, mutha fucka,” she said before spitting in his face.

Sugah didn’t know what to do next, but she had to get rid of the body. No one would understand or believe her anyway. She couldn’t take any chances. Although her body was bruised and beaten, she still would be convicted of murder. She was too young to go to prison. She had her entire life before her, and wouldn’t jeopardize it because of Bishop’s feminine ass. Sugah knew that a lake was close by, so she dragged Bishop by his feet dumping his dead corpse into the murky water. She waited patiently until his body was swallowed by the darkness, carried away by the strong current. She knew that alligators lurked close by, so she didn’t have to worry about Bishop’s body ever being seen again. She didn’t take his truck but made sure she didn’t have any fingerprints in it. No one knew about their relationship, so she didn’t have to worry about her friends or other people she knew asking questions. But she forgot about one person knowing.

            Sugah walked back into town making sure to keep off the roads until she was back on her street. She took off running to her house as fast as her feet could carry her. She snuck into her house undetected by her mother and went straight to her room. She took a long shower to sooth her wounds, got into bed, and cried herself to sleep that night.

The police never found Bishop’s body, and the investigation of his disappearance went on forever because of his popularity. Ramone vanished into thin air. She never saw him again, and wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Sugah pushed what happened in her past to the back of her mind, promising to never bring it up again. Until now, she hadn’t thought about that part of her life. Now someone else was trying to take away her freedom and cause her harm. That wouldn’t happen. She had killed before and wouldn’t hesitate doing it again to protect herself. The aching in her head brought Sugah back to reality. Her icepick was tucked safely in her back, resting inside her underwear, between her ass cheeks. She never left home without it. Sugah was always careful because any false move, she would be ruined and in more ways than one, but she was always prepared for battle.

She thought about the black bag next to her in the van, wondering what was in it although she had an idea. She quivered. It was cold in the dark room. She needed to get out of that room to see her surroundings. Then she would be able to let Coffee know what they were up against. She couldn’t let him come in blind. If anything happened to him she wouldn’t be able to live with herself.

Her trip down memory lane had her emotions running high. She was deep in survival mode, and if anyone got in the way of that, they would end up like Bowlegs, Pretty Ricky, So’Lo, and Bishop.

Suddenly she heard the voices again. Someone was just outside the door. Sugah knew that Mocha and Cappuccino were there, but who did they have with them? More importantly, why did they have her? Sugah braced herself and put on her game face. Shit was about to get live. She prayed she would be able to reach her icepick in time if she needed it.

~~~

            “Shut the fuck up before she hears you! Damn, can’t you stop talking for just a fucking minute? You are getting on my last nerves, and why are you still here? You said you were leaving, so feel free. Get the fuck on! I don’t really need you anyway, my mother will be here soon, and then we can get rid of this bitch. So just go already! You are giving me a damn headache.”

Mocha was tired. What was taking her mother so long to get there? After talking to her hours ago, she should have been there. Suddenly her mind began to play tricks on her. She thought about her childhood and how her mother allowed her father to molest her. She never tried to stop him, and would sometimes encourage it just to keep him happy. How could a mother do that to her child?

Mocha became furious with her mother all over again, even though she had forgiven her. It was funny how she was the one to reach out to her mother after years of being in the foster care system. One would think that a mother would try to get her child back if they truly loved her. Well once Sugah was out of the way, Mocha would then hit her mother were it hurt most. No one else would ever hurt her! She thought about the black plastic bag, smiling devilishly. She had already one-upped her mother.

Mocha thought back to when she had located and followed her father after hearing that he was out of prison. The night she crept into the apartment he shared with his friend was also the night she got her revenge on him for all the horrible things he had done to her as a child. He was asleep in front of the television. It had been dark in the apartment but she knew it was him. She used a knife to cut his throat and had one of her trusted confidants to help her wrap his body in plastic, put him in the black body bag, and threw him in the back of the van. Mocha wasn’t stupid contrary to her mother’s belief. After they got through with Sugah, she would then have a big surprise for her mother as a lesson in payback.

“Bitch, calm down,” Cap said. “I don’t wanna leave you here alone. What if your mother doesn’t show up, then what? We both know that Sugah can kick both of our asses. Don’t sleep on that bitch! She got some shit with her. I can feel it each time I’m in her presence. She is cold, Mocha. Believe that!” he said. He suddenly thought about all that Mocha had said. He needed answers, fast.

 “Wait, why doesn’t your mama like Sugah anyway? What’s going on Mocha? You call trust me, hell I’m already in this shit, so I may as well know the full sorry,” Cap said.

Sugah couldn’t believe her ears. She was glad that the walls in the house were paper thin. She was glad Cap asked the question running through her head. She needed answers too. She listened intently, but only silence and darkness came.

When Sugah woke up she was in another room, tied up in a chair. Her head was spinning and she felt as if she were about to vomit. She looked around only to see three shadows hovering over her with huge smirks on their faces. She had to focus. When she was able to make out the faces staring at her, she froze. How was it possible? How had her past finally caught up with her?

Ramone smiled. Revenge was about to be his. “Hello, Sugah! Long time, no see, huh? You thought you wouldn’t see me again, right? Well, here I am. Too bad we won’t be able to catch up. Soon you will be dead. You took Bishop away from me and now you can join him.”