ASK KEKE CHANEL

Question: What’s better, the pleasure from sex or having an orgasm?

Denise, in Louisiana

This question can be quite tricky, because we have some people who have sex just to achieve an orgasm, instead of experience the pleasure from it. Those same people really don’t understand the concept of pleasure. First, allow me to give you my definition of pleasure, as well as Webster’s and then move on from there.

My definition of pleasure is as follows: It is the essence of desire fulfilled with the best intimacy known to mankind, intellectual stimulation. It the mind is stimulated correctly, everything else will follow suit and leave you carving more. Pleasure is reaching the ultimately climax, warming your soul, your mind, and leaving your spirit in shock, not just having an orgasm.

Webster’s definition of pleasure: the state or feeling of being pleased; enjoyment or satisfaction derived from what is to one’s liking, gratification, delight, recreation or amusement, diversion, one’s will, desire, or choice.

Now allow me to give you the definition of orgasm:

Webster: the physical and emotional sensation experienced at the peak of sexual excitation, an instance, intense or unrestrained excitement, usually resulting from stimulation of the sexual organ.

My definition: To reach a wave of sensation flowing throughout the body caused by sexual stimulation or fulfillment. Seeing stars, toes curling, bind blowing satisfaction.

There is no right or wrong way to describe what one feels during this stage of intercourse but I think that in order to reach the kind of orgasm that will cause tears to stream down the sides of your face, pleasure has to be involved. Not many women will have orgasms during sex, so I believe that pleasure plays a more important part where sex is concerned. Sure having the “BIG O” is great, but that only lasts a few seconds, an instance. Pleasure goes far and beyond that. Being pleasured requires having a different kind of intimacy with your partner. People go out and have casual sex all the time with the intentions of achieving an orgasm or reaching personal satisfaction.

Think about it, men will more than likely have an orgasm during sex, whereas most women tend to fake it because of the lack of pleasure. If the experience is not pleasurable, how will it be satisfying? My hubby and I had a conversation a few weeks ago about this particular subject and I learned from him that just because the act of sex is taking place, it doesn’t mean that it is pleasurable. He said that the more the partner is into it, the better the experience will be. I never looked at it from a male’s perspective until that moment. So, to answer the question what’s better the pleasure from sex or having an orgasm, for me it’s the pleasure from sex. If the orgasm happens it happens, but the pleasure always makes the entire act ten times better. I would rather have pleasure with intimacy, than sex with an orgasm, without pleasure, any given day. But if we are lucky to receive both the pleasure along with the orgasm, that is even better!

Not every sexual encounter will be the same. Who wants it to be? That can/will get pretty boring after a while. So, make the best out of each experience. And if you have a partner who aims to make sure you receive pleasure, as well as a “happy ending”, count your lucky stars, you have hit the jackpot. All I can say to that one is, “Cha-ching!!” LOL

And remember that it takes an unselfish lover to truly please his/her partner. Selfish lovers get left the hell alone, sleeping in cold beds, having wet dreams! Don’t sell yourself short, there is someone out there who will give you pleasure, with intimacy, achieving indescribable orgasm(s). And to be blunt for a minute, sex without pleasure is simply “FUCKING”!!

Let me know your thoughts on this topic. Feel free to leave your comments in the comment box below.

I look forward to hearing from you. Until next time, be inspired, be encouraged, and be YOU!!!

Smooches,

Keke Chanel

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Thanks,

Food For Thought:

Are you a Raven or a Dove???

We all know the story of Noah and the Ark from the bible, or so we should. After the great flood was over, Noah sent out two kinds of birds, the first one being a Raven. They are fearless creatures with the ability to find light in darkness. They are large in size, with square tails. They have black bills and black legs. They learn quickly, often seen after battle eating the defeated. Dirty scavengers with far spread eyes. Some believe that they are messengers from the underworld when death in lurking. Noah thought that this particular bird would be of great help in determining if there was dry land, but failed. The second bird sent out twice was a Dove. Known as divine relevations from Heaven. It is small in size with gentle features. They are white and pure, with close eyes so it has the ability to see beneath it. The Dove is associated with victory, power, godliness, a symbol of love.The Raven's eyes made it hard to see other than in front of it while the dove could see below and all around it's surroundings, consequently returning when dry land was detected, signaling new life. I believe that both birds were significant to Noah in very different ways.

Do you have all the right characteristics of greatness like a Raven, but cannot see passed the things in front of you, allowing the enemy to keep you blindsided? Or do you have the ability to see all around you like a Dove, seeing how evil tries to throw you off track?

I think that we are all Doves sometimes trapped as Ravens until we use our full sight to see passed our fears, problems, heartaches and pains. We have to know that God is always present in our lives no matter the situation. So, stay focused, don't get thrown off course unable to get back on the path to your destiny. Use your wings(eyes) to soar, see, and survive! You hold the power to overcome any obstacles that get in your way. With God, there is no way you can fail. Be blessed!!!

"Thinking like a MAN..."

“Act like a LADY!!!”

We all have probably seen the movie or read the book by now, so I guess it’s safe to finally speak on the subject. I loved the book and adored the movie, but I don’t think that I am fully in agreement with the concept. I think that if we, as women, start or keep thinking like man, then we eventually lose ourselves. We make all the things our grandmothers taught us about being a lady, respecting ourselves and saving ourselves for marriage, fly straight out the door. If we think that if they can do it so can we, the value of the reason God created us in the first place becomes irrelevant.

What happened to really getting to know someone before jumping right into sex? What happened to opening car doors and pulling out seats? Nowadays most women feel powerless if a man attempts such things. She truly feels helpless, beneath him like “I don’t need you to do that for me because I can do it myself”. True, we all can, but I think we don’t require the things men used to do back then, now. There is nothing wrong with having a man treat you like a lady, not because he feels pressured into doing so but because he wants to and because you deserve that kind of treatment. Think about it, if you have to wait at the car door in order for him to see that he should have opened it long before walking around the side of the car, it’s fake, not genuine. If he walks behind or in front of you instead of on side of you, he is not comfortable seeing seen in public with you. That is a sign that he was more than likely dealing with you and many others at the same time. Looking at other women while he is with you is disrespectful! I don’t care how you look at it. It is a sign of weakness. I man without self-control is like a dog in heat, he will screw anyone who lets him. Don’t accept anything less than what you deserve.

Dating has become too casual. What, after three dates, sex is a given? Now, at the end of a date a goodnight kiss isn’t enough. Sex is expected on both parts. The woman thinks that if she doesn’t do it, he will go on to the next thing and the man thinks he is entitled because he paid for dinner and a movie.

C’mon, this isn’t who God created us to become. Yes, it was Eve who allowed sin to reach all mankind, but as women, we also have to power to control it. “Owe no man but to love him!” Love yourself enough first.

Is it so wrong waiting? We as women have changed the way things work and get mad at men for constantly expecting more from us than they actually deserve. Having one night stands has become an epidemic. Having three or four baby-mama/baby-daddy is the norm, and yet no one seems to think there is a problem. When we take responsibility for our actions, we will change our outlook of life, our situation, and relationships. We will be able to teach our children that waiting in okay. That being a lady is expected and being an even better man than their father is required.  

The movie does show that there are men who love their women unconditionally, but the women don’t love themselves enough to even realize it. Now there is nothing wrong with having standards, but don’t miss out on life, love and living having your head stuck so far up your ass. If you see only dollar signs, a nice car, and a handsome face, what will you see when the money is gone, the car is repossessed and the face is wrinkled? Will that be enough to stay in a relationship that was built on materialistic and superficial things, instead of love?

It’s okay dating, but as a single parent, be careful who you let around your children. I think that waiting a few months is necessary before introducing someone new to the kids. Think about it, do you really know them that well after two weeks to have them around your kids? Use good judgment and trust God first! And remember that men who love their mothers will love and treat you amazing. That doesn’t mean you have to deal with being second, I’m just saying. You wouldn’t want to be with an asshole that treats his mother like crap, or even his sisters for that matter.

Women should be ladies, think like ladies and act like ladies. If we do that, then the men will either get with the program or miss out on the promise. We have the power. How else do families exist? Even if there are too male parents, there was still a woman who birthed the child into existence therefore a family isn’t a family without a WOMAN! Don’t give away your treasure to every man who comes along.  We are way better than that. Just because some men do this, it is still a woman who allows it to happen. Don’t be that woman. It’s really okay to just say “NO”.  

And ladies, if you are blessed with a good man, treat him as such. Don’t play games or try to be his mother. This is the quickest way to pushing him over the edge or into the arms of another woman waiting to treat him like a king. If you don’t know, you better start paying attention or ask someone. Respect requires two things: 1) self-respect and 2) demanding respect by being respectful. These two things are essential in being who you are. Stop requiring nothing and expect everything but make sure you are prepared for a fight. Not too many people will like you for having morals and values for yourself. They will turn their backs on you. They will tell you, you think too highly of yourself. And you will probably lose many people you thought cared and loved you along the way. But the ultimate reward is, at the end of the day you will be looked at differently, like a lady! And contrary to belief, men still want to be with a LADY!!!

Men do what we allow them to do. When we become wise enough to realize this, the world as we know it will change and for the better. Learn yourself! Know yourself! Trust yourself! Respect yourself! Love yourself! Maintaining a positive attitude, energy and relationships is the key, use it to unlock a new you, a new culture, a new society. I dare you to start thinking better of yourself, others will follow suit. Until next time, be inspired, be encouraged and be YOU!!!

Smooches,

Keke Chanel

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A Moment of Gratitude...

True Friendships are forever!!!

It’s amazing that I still have most of the same friends now that I had growing up as a kid. We don’t have to talk every day or see each other all the time to know that we are friends til the end. I find that true friendship doesn’t need to be validated. It’s a given. The people who matter most will be there even when you don’t think that they are. Even when you try to push them away, they don’t push you away and continue to pray that you let go and let God fight your battles. I thank God for my “Godly Girlfriends” as I call them. We laugh together, cry together, pray together and have fun times together. We build each other up instead of tear each other down. We speak life, because we all know that there is power in the tongue. We bring positive attitudes, outlooks, and energy to each other.  Even when one of us doesn’t feel like being positive, we don’t talk badly about it, we pray for strength to overcome the situation. We encourage each other.

Although the enemy tried to ruin a few friendships along our journey, we managed to always get through it. It doesn’t take much when the foundation was built to sustain any obstacle, and that foundation is God. No, we don’t pretend to know it all or have it all together because we are still human, so at times we tend to get in our flesh. But that’s okay because we are entitled to make mistakes. In the end we get through it and become better from it. Some people go through life alone; unable to find one person less known many who will be there for them, so I am extremely blessed. Even though my circle is just that, they know that they have been a part of it since elementary school. I just want to say to them, and they all know who they are that, “I love you girls with all that is within me and thank God for giving us to each other. I look forward to having you in my life for many years to come and also when we cross that river and enter into the kingdom of Heaven! You inspire me, encourage me and keep me “ME”.

Smooches,

Keke Chanel

Just a little inspiration for all the people who have ever felt lost...

"I AM..."

I stop and listen

Only silence kisses my ears

My eyes cry from missing you

When you don't even see me standing in front of you

I am lost

Torn between loving myself and loving you

A battle that leaves me wounded, used, abused...unable to recognize who I am

What happened to the beautiful girl staring back at me in the mirror?

Who had confidence, determination, goals, who knew how to love herself first?

What happened to the sparkle in her eyes, the pep in her step that once captured everyone's attention?

Dreams of becoming someone her Grandmother would be proud of

The smile that once brightened each day is lost in sadness,

Frowns are now the roadmap of her lips leading to the destination of loneliness,

Spinning her youth into darkness, she slowly fades away...

She cries out for help and her life quickly transforms...

She rises

Stands tall

Sticks her chest out

She remembers hearing her Father say "I love you, you are beautiful...special…A princess one day to become a Queen!"

She remembers the laughter she once possessed protecting her soul,

Pampering her spirit from harm...

"I won't be overlooked", she speaks

"No more being used, abused, taken for granted...My mama didn't raise me to be this way

I am made in the image of God therefore I am more than the world against,

More than the ways of the world! I am beauty, a reflection of being Christ-like,

My brother is a King so that makes me ROYALTY!!

You don't have power over me anymore, I choose to love myself!

No more tears of sadness from being your punching bag,

No more being lonely when I am never ALONE, I am better than t

hat, so I deserve better than YOU!!

No more pain from your hands, take these shackles off of me I just wanna PRAISE HIM!!!

I feel sorry for you because you just don't get it!
To know Him is to LOVE Him but sadly you don't even love yourself
But I will pray for you..."  

Peace and Blessings,

Keke Chanel

"Red Bottoms"

It's been a while since my last story. Enjoy!!!

“Red Bottoms”

They hadn’t seen each other in a while, but the chemistry between them radiated from across the room. It was like a magnetic force pulling them toward each other. He still wanted her and by the way she seduced him with her eyes, he knew the feeling was mutual. Why had it taken so long to see her again? She was still sexy as hell and he wanted to rip off her clothes and sex her in every position known to man, plus create new ones. Her smile was like fire. His loins burned to feel her thighs rub against his swollen erection.

The way she captured the room when she entered was none like any other woman he knew. She was one of a kind, a woman who had confidence, class, and sophistication. Her body was built like an hourglass with all the right curves, in all the right places. The sway in her round hips hypnotized him. Her breasts looked like ripe melons, dancing the salsa. And her ass was one he wanted to slap, bite, kiss and hold forever. It could put a stop to hate in the world!  

As she moved, her beautiful legs decorated a pair of the sexiest shoes he had ever seen. Oh how he loved a woman in stilettos, that woman! The only thing he could picture was her in them and nothing else. “Damn”, he said adjusting the front of his pants. He didn’t want anyone to see that he was standing at attention, ready to salute his officer, in a battle of sexual healing. The sinful red dress she wore should be illegal, incriminating each man in her presence. He saw all the lust in their eyes as they watched her make her way toward him.

Her red lipstick kissed beautiful, full lips and he wondered if the other set looked as delicious. Slowly, he ran his thick tongue around his own. He remembered how good she tasted, when they engaged in pleasurable conversation. The things she did to him still lingered in his mind. They refused to part his memory and on those lonely nights, all he had to do was close his eyes and they made love.

As she got closer, he was like a dog in heat. Her scent captured all of his senses. She smelled of pure bliss. He grabbed her, pushing her through a hidden door before she was able to resist. He leaned her onto the conference room table. His lips covered her mouth, devouring it. She returned the kiss, giving her tongue a chance to slow dance with his. They became one. His hands roamed the body he missed and loved. Her body felt like raw silk…creamy…soft.

They got lost in each other, savoring each taste. Hands found hidden treasures, claiming them with tender touches and passionate kisses. He parted her thighs and found refuge in her flowing waters, swimming his tongue in her raging stream. She moaned, grabbing the back of his head. She opened up more for him making sure to let her “red bottoms” stay in the air. Holding her ankles, she enjoyed the sensual wave her body was slowly riding.  

Once she had climaxed a few times, she took control of the situation. It was time she showed him just how much, she missed and craved his long, thick, beautiful magic stick. Turning him over, she straddled him, sliding her wet flower down his pulsating root. Starting slow at first, and then increasing tempo, a musical rhythm, an intoxicating ensemble, beating his movements with the intensity of her own. She worked him like a bass drum, careful to stop, drop, and roll when needed. Before long she was on her tippy toes, playing a game of catch and release. His toes curled, his back arched, he held on tight for the ride.

When he couldn’t take it anymore, he grabbed her hips, pushing downward. She gave back all that he was giving and then some. They climaxed at the same time, holding each other like life depended on it. In that moment they were together, in love, never to part again. She leaned over and whispered in his ear, “I missed you baby”!

“I missed you too, Sweety. Don’t ever leave me again.”

“Never,” she said, adjusting the ring on her left hand, third finger. “I said until death do us part, and I plan on keeping that promise.”

Later that night he kissed and made love to his wife over and over again, sealing his love for her so that she would never have to wonder or guess. They slept in each other’s arms, thanking God for allowing them to cross paths. The “red bottoms” lay on the floor, on the side of their bed!    

Until next time, be inspired, be encouraged and be YOU! Be a little freaky if the feeling hits you too!!!

Smooches,
Keke Chanel

ASK KEKE CHANEL

Question #5

From: Kellie in Louisiana

When you have had three kids and lost yourself, how do you get back to your old self?

Kelli thanks for your question and congrats on the three beautiful children. Family is important. We should cherish the time we have together. There is never a dull day with kids around, right. My three year old keeps me on my toes, while my fifteen year old challenges me to read more. They are both wayyyy smarter than me. *laughing* Anyway, back to your question. I can go on and on about my kids.

I know that we all lose ourselves at some point in time but you will get back there. Besides, we wouldn’t know how to bounce back if we never slip, right. Life is just that, life. It gives us curveballs, lemons and any other thing to try us, but we have to be willing to do something about it. Start by looking at yourself in the mirror. The person you are is right there. She is smiling at you even when you cannot smile back. True, you have probably added a few extra curves here and there, but most men from the South love curves. *giggles*

The most important thing I can tell you Kellie is that if you are not happy with whom you have become, change it. It is totally up to you to take the first step. After that, start with a good diet and exercise. It helps when you have someone to do these things with for motivation. I don’t know how old your children are, but if they are not on a schedule where you can rest, put them on one. Getting the proper rest at night is essential to maintain a good diet and exercise. When these three things line up with each other, you will see and feel the difference.

We are our worse critics and I can bet that you are not far gone as you might think. Try meditating to rest your mind. Sometimes we need to just be still and relax. It’s okay! I can tell from your question that you really love yourself. Being a mom is the most selfless act I know. Caring for someone other than you is amazing. It shows character, courage and so many other qualities we all should strive for.  

Don’t rush. Take one day at a time. You will get there! As long as you maintain a positive attitude, surround yourself with positive people and positive surroundings, you are destined for a positive outcome. Please let me know how you do by keeping in touch. Thanks again for your question. Until next time, be inspired, be encouraged and be YOU!!!

Smooches,

Keke Chanel

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