Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Can keeping troubling aspects a secret in relationships lead to irreconcilable differences?

I received a question a few days ago about this particular topic and I wanted to speak about it and also get your thoughts. I have written several posts about relationships on my blog that have been very helpful and informative to others, according to the comments and emails I have received on those topics. The posts are still linked, so feel free to go check them out. I use this site as a chance to provide positive information that I have encountered through my life’s journey, or saw others go through and yet survive. We will all go through something traumatic at some point in time, right. I feel that we are all vessels that can help others along the way. Why sit on information that can help someone else? So, with that being said, it’s move on. I hope that this is helpful to the friend who asked, as well as insightful to the rest of you.

We all have been in or are currently in relationships that have been tainted due to not communicating about the things that plaque us. Not voicing one’s concern about different aspects or factors, problems, concerns or what have you, will eventually rip a relationship to shreds. I feel that it is essential to say whatever it may be, whether good or bad, in maintaining positive relationships. But in a way that is compassionate, not harsh or ugly to make someone feel bad. It doesn’t matter what type of relationship, without speaking on the issues at hand, the relationship is doomed from the beginning. Just be yourself! Don’t put on a persona to please others. Don’t conform to fit in. Don’t settle when you deserve much more. And most importantly, don’t just allow others to walk all over you and think that it is acceptable. (In the words of my late B.I.L—“Negative Chief” Rest in Peace Jean Antonio, we love and miss you much!)

Without letting the other person/persons involved know what is on your mind or in your heart nothing good comes of the relationship. There are too many one-sided relationships as it is today. There is no need to keep the cycle going. If we speak in love, with compassion, there is nothing too hard to work through. Friendships will get better. Relationships will have positive outcomes and the divorce rate in our country will decrease instead of increase so rapidly.

If we continue to keep things bottled up inside, we will become bitter, resentful, eventually spinning a web of hatred toward the people we love most. This isn’t the way relationships should be. Life is too short and once someone is gone, it’s too late to say or do all the things you should have or wanted to do. I don’t have all the answers, but if the question is asked, I will do all within my knowledge of the subject to give the best advice that I can. Feel free to leave your comments. All of your thoughts are appreciated and not taken lightly.

Communicate, communicate, and communicate!!! This is the best advice that I can give because I am a living witness that it is effective. Listen, listen, and listen!!! This is the second most important factor in maintaining a strong and lasting relationship because when you listen, I mean truly listen you hear all that is being said. Don’t judge, put down on, or speak harshly to others. Plus, no one wants to be around a person who does that less known listen to what they have to say. That doesn’t do anything but make matters worse and cause an even bigger riff between all involved. Lastly, say what’s bothering you. If we are with someone who doesn’t listen, hear or respect what we have to say, then we should reevaluate the relationship and make the best decision for ourselves. If we have friendships that cause more problems than what they are worth, cut those individuals out of your life. As I always say, not everyone is intended to travel the path that God has prepared for you. People will come and go from your life and the ones who are truly meant to be there, will be!

Yeah, we will lose great people on our journey and that’s okay. They may have been placed in your path and vice versa for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Either way, you will know the difference. It will be revealed in time. But if you do not want the best for yourself, how can you expect that someone else will? Think about that for a minute…if you don’t have your best interest at heart, no one is going to. Love yourself more to want more for YOU! Trust me, it is okay.

So in the end the answer to the question is a simple “Yes”!  Keeping things that trouble you in relationships to yourself will cause them to shatter. Don’t set yourself up for this kind of pain, heartache and disappointment because time is something we cannot get back! Until next time, be encouraged, be inspired and be YOU!!!

Keke Chanel  


  1. Any relationship must have a solid foundation. Love, trust, and respect are just a few to start off with. Honesty, is a good way to help structure what you're trying to build. Give ppl options and don't mislead. Anything misleading is false and doomed to fail. What goes on in darkness shall come to light...I find that to be true in most cases. When a person love you and respect you unconditionally you will be amazed at their bearable tolerance they have for you. Forgiveness can't be granted without the act of knowing what you seek forgiveness for. Communication is a great tool to use just use it truthfully and don't abuse it.

    1. Thanks Cayenne!! I agree with all that you said. Your thoughts and comment is greatly appreciated. If we voice our opinions openly, honestly and with good intentions we can help one another overcome the impossible. Thanks again for your post...
      Purple hugs and kisses­čĺť