Monday, November 28, 2011

Random Thought

If loved ones got into it, should you choose sides?

Often times, especially this time of year, our loved ones fall out or get upset with each other for silly reasons. We try to remain non bias, but it's really hard to see the people you love most in the world go at it. It puts a damper of the holiday spirit. Sometimes you don't even have the energy to deal with it. What is truly the right thing to do? Is there really a right or wrong way of handling such situation?

Being a person who doesn't like conflict, I try to see both points of view, then come up with a way that all parties involved are satisfied. Wouldn't it be nice to have a can of "spray all troubles away"? I know, wishful thinking right, but it would make life much easier. Life should always be about love and respect, but there is just something about this time of year that knocks those two important things out into the cold winter weather, blowing only despair and hatred through the frigid air. True we all have problems and may even get into spats with the people we love, but it shouldn't be to the point when we stop speaking or loving each other.

Family is important, a true gift from God. He gave us people to look out for us, be there for us, care and protect, provide and most importantly LOVE! What better gift?! Have you ever thought about the fact that we didn't get a chance to choose our parents or siblings? We get to pick everything else except family. We were all placed in a circle called "family" for a special reason. It's up to us to learn and develop the ground rules, what works for the people in our circle. If you have something you have to say to one person, just go directly to that person. Don't tell such and such because the message intended will be something totally different when it reached the person. Don't be so defensive or take offense to something so easily. Don't take things personally, especially dealing with family. If we cannot go to our family members in love, then who can we go to?

Well, I have learned that our best friends will be there no matter what and for that I am grateful. Having those kind of special friends are just God's way of saying "you are never alone. I will always here". So I guess we should cherish each relationship regardless of being family or not. But we are all connected anyway, created in the image of God.

Just love the family you were blessed with. Treat them all the same, no picks and chooses. Tell them the truth in love. Don't take sides. Don't get in the middle of someone else's conflict. Remember, love God first, then yourself and your love for others will be much greater. There is somebody bigger than you and me.

Until next time, Be inspired, Be encouraged, Be you!

Keke Chanel

follow me on twitter @keke_chanel

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Random Thought: About LOVE

When your heart to aching, crying out for attention but only gets silence, what do you do? When you crave something so badly, yet long for it still, how do you handle that? We all wonder through things in life that catches us off guard, presses pause on our minds, forcing us back to reality. When love changes or goes in the opposite direction of which you don’t desire to go, where does that leave you? As painful as it is, many people experience this emotion or revelation. It pulls at your core, dividing your soul and spirit, causing them to constantly be at war. The pit of your stomach leaps but not the leaps of excitement rather the ones that leave you cold…lonely…sad. Is this normal behavior or is something truly missing?

Love is indescribable! It’s like magic in the air, radiating a poison so sweet that you want to drink from its cup and die a slow death. The smile placed upon your face is infectious, contagious, no one can ignore it. Love leaves you breathless. It causes you to do things you normally wouldn’t do. Put up with things you usually walk away from. It becomes the essence of our being, strangling the unspeakable joy of your existence, causing you to shine brighter than the sun. You are just…

The wind blows, a gentle rain pours, yet you stand still revving in the drops kissing your face, washing your body with pure satisfaction. You can’t remember even getting wet realizing that the rain is only tears, tears streaming down your cheeks resting in the corners of your smile, tears of bliss. You shiver from warmth and not cold, becoming sick from love’s kiss.

Will this feeling last forever? Is it only you or do the one you love and desire think of you and feel the movement of their heart beating faster, senses elevating, pleasure striking their body like lightening? Can they close their eyes and see you? Listen in silence and hear what you are thinking? A new found telepathy shared between just you two. Or do you awake from this dream, realize that it was only a dream, close your eyes and live in happiness until your eyes open again? Only to awake and find that nothing has changed. A nightmare of longing continues, casting a dark cloud over the beauty of your thought process. Your imagination tainted…disturbed…interrupted. Then and only then you ask yourself the question “What is love”?  Is it truly better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? If this is the way love goes, I’ll pass!

Today I thought about this particular subject a lot, wondering what goes through the minds of others dealing with love or the lack thereof. Is love really so tricky and unpredictable that we confuse ourselves, mislead our hearts and cause permanate damage to our minds, screwing us up for life? Is it really so simple as to let your heart open, mind be free and enjoy the ride?

Well I think that love can go both ways. It all determines which course of action you take along your personal journey to the unknown. Nothing in life comes easy and if it does, be certain that it will leave too quick. Work at it! Fight for it! Give it your all! Live in the moment! Don’t let all the “should a, would a, could a’s” to cloud your judgment. There is no greater gift than to love, experience it for yourself to the fullest potential. You never know where it will lead. Take a chance, make the choice and claim victory while you ride on the wave called “love”.

Thanks for listening to yet another random thought for this month Passionate Souls. Next month I will be writing hot and spicy stories for the TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, so prepare your minds. I am not discreet in my storytelling and my imagination is very vivid, naughty and nice! First up, "Santa's HO HO HO!!!"

"He licked her passionately in places she covered with lace and silk, creaming her thighs with juices flowing hotter than candle wax. She moaned from the pleasure she felt soaring from her head to her toes. Arching her back, she gave him more of her delicious cranberry sauce." 

Just a little something to keep you interested and excited to know what happens next. So stay tuned. It's about to get real juicy! Until next time Be inspired! Be encouraged! Be You!

Keke Chanel


Random Thought

"This Holiday Season"

As we embark upon this holiday season, it’s unfortunate that the rate of suicide increases sparingly. Many people feel that they are alone, with no family or loved ones who care. Keep this is prospective when you are out and about shopping, spending time with your family and friends. Be mindful of the way you treat people. You never know how your bad day or should I say bad attitude can affect someone else. The simplest thing to us can mean the world to someone else. Don’t be too quick to put yourself first this time of year. Do something for someone less fortunate than yourself. Or just do something out of the kindest of your heart. Life shouldn’t be about putting others down or thinking that we are more than anyone else. We are all created equal and for those who don’t think so, you have much to learn.
Give love, give hugs, and give smiles! Those are the best gifts anyone could have. Love is unconditional. Hugs can show and express words without saying one single solitary thing. A smile can brighten up someone’s day or help them to see that there are still good people in this cruel world. Have you ever felt low and saw someone who made eye contact with you and smiled? I have and it helped in more ways than the people could ever have imagined. Once I hugged a person who had just experienced a great loss and she was like “now that’s a hug”. She later told me that I helped her get through her devastating situation just by the way I hugged her. I hate when someone give to a one handed pat on the back and think that it is a hug. Just shake my hand or simply say hello.
A heartfelt gesture means so much more than any gift you could possibly give. It isn’t about the amount of money or biggest gift anyway. People often confuse this time of year with gift giving and eating the most food, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Don’t confuse or cheat yourself or your children or family by believing this nonsense. There is something much greater than us, bigger than any mountain, deeper than any sea, but many refuse to accept. Hopefully one day the ones who don’t will!
So, do something for someone with an open heart. Give to someone less fortunate than you. Teach your children the true meaning of this season. Show them how to be thankful and grateful because there are too many out in the world that doesn’t have food and running water, toys clothing, etc. Walk in love, live in love and go forth in love! To love is to experience the greatest gift, greatest power of life there is. Instead of buying gifts to buy love, create gifts from the heart. Those are the best kind of gifts to me. Just knowing that someone spent their time and put forth effort to brighten your day or show their love, touches my heart with every given beat. Whose life will you change?
Be inspired, Be encouraged, Be you! Be thankful for the things and people in your life that matter most. Don’t try to be or live like someone else. We were all given a path; it is not for everyone to walk alongside us or down the same. Know your worth in order to fulfill your destiny!

Happy Holidays,
Keke Chanel

follow me on twitter @keke_chanel

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Random Thought: Stop Allowing Others to get in your way!!!!

Okay Passionate Souls! I am definitely on ONE today! On one emotional roller coaster or should I say time bomb. I wasn't feeling well the other night and someone sent me a text message that I didn't really feel like dealing with. After I didn't go there, I received another message that said FML. I was like, what the hell does that mean? Now, I am a smart person but this text lingo is becoming too complicated. I talked to a friend and asked her what it meant. Needless to say, FML means "Fuck My Life".

Now, please correct me if I'm wrong, but if someone tells you "fuck my life" and you are a part of their life, doesn't that also mean "fuck you"? I was a bit confused, but like I said, I consider myself to be a smart person, who can read between the lines. If I told them to "Kick Rocks" would I be wrong? As I posted on yesterday, be careful with the words you choose. I am left with a million questions but yet, I don't give a damn. How is that possible? I need answers on this one my friends.

Does it have something to do with Passion or the lack thereof? Possibly! When you just don't have that aspect in the relationship, along with several others, what happens next? Without communication and not through a damn text message or email, nothing good will follow. Been there and done that. But my spirit isn't broken. I am a stronger, wiser and better person from this experience now. I won't allow anything or anyone to deter me from where I'm headed. Simply NGH or should I say "not gonna happen". LOL

See, I still have my sense of humor. Bitterness isn't welcome in my world. Negativity knows that it isn't to come anywhere near my existence. Sadness is not an option because I am not the one. See when we allow people, especially the people we love to steal our joy, we open ourselves up to many disasters, disappointments and shortcomings. Don't give anyone the situation of seeing you down and out, sad and unhappy. It only fuels their fire to break you. Smile, let it go, shake it off and keep it moving. Don't allow anyone to halt your greatness. What you allow to exist in your life is totally up to you. No one else, just you! Do yourself a favor and take control of your life, your destiny, your greatness.

The sky is the limit. And if the people you thought would be there with you along your journey fall along by the wayside, wave and press on. The only person who can get in your way is you! Be the best you that you can be. Nobody wants the best for you but yourself regardless of what they say, how much they claim or pretend, you will eventually see their true colors. Nine times out of ten, your true color is either BLUE or BLACK! The color of bruises, with you as their punching bag. Don't give them the satisfaction. I'm done now. If anyone wanna leave a comment, feel free. Your words are always welcome. Thanks for listening. Until next time, Be inspired! Be encouraged! Be you!

And instead of saying "FML" say "FmL" Fix My Life, Focus My Life, Fulfill My Life!

Keke Chanel

follow me on twitter @keke_chanel

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Random Thought

If you truly miss someone, just say it! Don't beat around the bush, stop talking to them or try to be too prideful about it. There is no need for that kind of nonsense. Besides, you will probably miss out on spending fun times with that person. We only get one life to live, make the most out of it, with the people who matter most. When our time comes to an end, there is no turning back. Everything left undone or unsaid will just be that. Time waits on no one. Don't cheat yourself or the person out of being with you.

Some people believe that actions speak louder than words but I think that words are more powerful. Be careful what you say and how you say it. Words can cut deep! And more often than not, they can be forgiven but not forgotten. For example, you can give someone a hug and have no feelings or like for that person at all. But if you hug someone and just whisper, hey, miss you, good to see you, or something like that or simply squeeze lightly, it is understood. I hear many people say what's understood doesn't have to be explained, so make it known with words and then expressions. No one is left in the cold or trying to figure out where things stand between you. Life goes on more abundantly.

Do something nice or special for someone today. It will open up endless possibilities to your relationship. And until next time, Be inspired! Be encouraged! Be YOU!

Keke Chanel

Follow me on twitter @keke_chanel

Monday, November 14, 2011

Random Thought

Today was a very productive day. I worked on another book and it's coming along quite nicely. I washed my hair and twisted it up. It took forever. My hair is so thick it's ridiculous. Wish I had pictures to share but I didn't take any. The style is okay. My first time attempting it, so I will just leave the camera were it is for now. LOL

Anyway, allow me to get to the point of this post.

Why is it that when men get sick, they act like kids?

Now, I don't usually get too sick but I do have good and bad days, were I don't feel my best. I am a mother, so I really cannot afford to be sick, down and out. My two yr. won't allow it. My daughter, who is almost fifteen, will hold things down for me if I'm just now able to do anything, but a toddler and a teenager do not have many things in common. Sue me for waiting so long, but they are my babies. I love my children.

But seriously, men if you are reading, and yes fellas, I am calling you all out. If you get sick or should I just say "I don't feel good" or simply what women call "want some attention" just say so. We cannot read your mind nor do we want to or know what's wrong with you unless you share that bit of information. I am only going to ask twice and if you don't say what needs to be said, then so be it. My husband probably think I'm a heartless bitch, but I have never been the type of girl to just ask, ask, and ask and never get an answer. Not gonna happen. Plus, if you sick, sit ya ass down somewhere. Don't be trying to clean up or go to the store, like you doing me a favor. Trust me! If I'm sick, I don't be doing any of that that day!

Take some medicine. Why suffer through something when there is something that can help? I don't get it. I don't like taking medicine but if I need it, you can in certain that I will be setting that to the side and get something to help me feel better. Go to the doctor! That's what they're here for. Don't think that your wife/girlfriend or whoever will know what's wrong and diagnose you. Pouting and acting like a complete asshole, like somebody done stole your damn bike and Jesus is riding on it, won't get you nothing but left alone!

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, please. I am open to comments, suggestions and any positive advice regarding this matter. I have tough-skin and don't get offended quickly. For those who know me, it takes a lot to upset me but the few things that do, are not taken lightly. I strive to be a better me everyday, so I can handle it.

Thanks for allowing me the chance to vent or share in my randomness. I write when I'm happy, sad, upset and everything in between. It cleanses me. It gives me a chance to express myself without saying something I'll regret, which isn't too often. I life full of regrets is just sad, boring and a trip down the road of bitterness and desperation. Don't let life consume you. Don't take yourself too seriously. Have fun! Learn something new every day.

Today, I learned that, the longer you know someone, the more you will find out their true colors. So, be who you are. Do what you do but don't expect the people who have always been there to stick around when you do or say something that hurts them or decide to take them for granted. Remember, everything has an expiration date, you are no exception!

I know that I have gotten a bit out subject, but this is a random thought post month for my blog and it just happened this way. What can I say? I should have just became that Therapist that I planned to be when I attended college, and then I could be getting compensated for my words of wisdom. LOL :) just kidding! (not really)

You guys be safe, have a great evening and as the holiday season approaches, remember to give thanks for the people and things in our lives who matter most. Know that Christmas isn't about expensive gifts, but something much more profound and special than words can describe. Be inspired! Be encouraged! Be you!

Keke Chanel

You can also follow me on twitter @keke_chanel or shoot me an email at

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


As I said at the beginning of this month, November will be just a random post month. Anything that comes to mind, I will write about and post. Life happens so why not share it to help someone else get through it. Today I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with emotion. I wanted to share with u guys something I wrote. Hopefully it will inspire someone feeling the same. We all go through life on a day to day basis, but at some point we all tend to get a little down and out. Know that you ate not alone! Everyday isn't going to be peaches and cream, so don't pretend like it is. You will become a better you by enduring, believing and trusting that something positive will follow. I hope you enjoy. Thanks

A poem: Keke Chanel
Written: 3:04 pm 11/09/11

The joy that once captured her eyes
Is hidden behind sadness
Fake smiles to appease everyone
Only she fools herself
Her heart feels heavy...lonely
Beating rhythms of melancholy
Numbing to her core
Pain laughs in her face
Poking fun at her soul
Her spirit shakes nervously afraid
Of becoming broken
Mood swings are her comfort zone
Giving truth to her wavering existence
No one listens, looks or seems to care
No one notices the tears stinging the
Backs of her eyes
She ponders each day whether or not she
Should give up, run away,
Nothing can be any worse
But yet she stops, she smiles again
Realizing that the most important person
Who cares, had never abandoned her
Is always watching over her smile
Looking at the beauty in her eyes
Peace in her heart, her unbroken foundation
Giving her reason to remain strong, to endure
To exist, to trust, to live, to press on
She holds her head up high
Smiling at herself because the girl she sees is
Just an image in the mirror frozen in time
Not a reflection of her at all
She smiles bigger, winks, turns and walk away
Feeling uplifted, inspired, determined to carry on
She is the girl who begs to differ
Her passion is not lost
She is not broken
She is not lost
She is not worried of what's to come
She holds the key to get own destiny
She stands taller, sticks her chest out
And fight
The key to her destiny
The beat to her courageous spirit
The link in the chain that holds her life
Together will never break unless she chooses
To get in her own way, but the words that
Escaped her lips simply speak "NOT TODAY"
She smiles and thinks,
"I am somebody, God made me in His image
I will win victory over the enemy, so bring
It on, I am ready!!!"

Monday, November 7, 2011

Making a Difference

Today, as I learned of the verdict in the Michael Jackson trial, my heart went out to the family. People are always too quick to judge, instead of offering assistance. We will never know the thoughts, feelings and emotions of MJ on that terrible day or any day for that matter. He was probably scared, lost and wanted someone to hold his hand, tell him it was going to be okay and offer to stay by his side during such a painful point in his life. It's amazing how we learn the flaws of someone after they pass on.

We never know what people face each day. How they strive to be perfect, stay beautiful or talented. At the end of the day, they are human just as we are. True, the attention of the spotlight is fulfilling but at what cost? It saddens me to know that he was broken. Imagine not really having a childhood, able to play outside with friends, attend parties, to go school or attend your high school prom. Yeah, we put people on pedestals but when they fall off, not exceeding our expectations, we simply throw them away.

What happened to love thy neighbor? What happened to offering a helping hand? No one is perfect, and the ones who appear that way, aren't. It's only a persona. Why don't we focus more on helping each other. Stop putting our mouths on each other, especially when you are all screwed up yourself. Take passion in treating each other, as you would want/expect others to treat you. Find pleasure in saying to your children or grandchildren someday that you helped make the world a better place. The Golden Rule didn't go anywhere, we abandoned it! We stopped thinking "united we stand, divided we fall", placing self before any and everything else.

You don't have to be rich or poor, white, black, brown, gay or straight. We are all one race, the human race. Start now by making a difference! Smile at someone. You don't know just how powerful a small gesture like that can help someone make it to another hour, minute or second. Do it willingly. Do it because you want to help someone make it, you want to make an impact in the American Dream. Don't do it and brag or constanly talk about it. What's the point?

The world would become a better place. People would smile more, get along better and work harder to fulfill their destiny. We all have what it takes to determine the outcome of our lives. We have all been blessed with amazing gifts. Don't allow your gift to go overlooked because you wanted to have the same life or gift as someone else. We are all special, perfect in our own rite, don't ever let anyone tell you differently. You hold the key to unlock your future. Don't settle by trying to be someone or something that you weren't destined to be. Dream big, fight to achieve it, and when you do, reach back and help someone else!

“Love—do we accept half or nothing at all”

The wind howled, as the trees danced in swaying rhythm, causing a cold chill in the air. She watched silently, with her head pressed against the window pane, hoping that he was okay out in the hoarse elements. What if something happened to him? How could she let him leave? And over such a stupid fight, she sighed. She hated herself for ever falling asleep. A sharp pain kissed her heart. She fell upon the bed sobbing, hysterically. How had she gotten to this point? How had she allowed love to conquer her so profoundly and now be all alone again?

He was her soul mate, her life. Without him she felt lost…dead…sadness. His smile warmed her heart, touched her soul, and penetrated her spirit. She was free to be herself, to laugh, play, and tell jokes without being looked at as immature. He loved the way she carried herself, carefree, classy, innocent, and womanly.   

                Where was he? The wind blew harder as the rain began to pour. It was as if someone had opened up the sky and oceans screamed “surprise”, while saturating the earth. It was hard to believe only moments prior, the sun shined brightly, not a cloud in the sky. They were having a light lunch in the backyard, as they did on most sunny days. They held each other talking…laughing…being who they are. Love radiated from them, giving the atmosphere a part of their special gift. She kissed him, he kissed her. They kissed each other.

                Passion ignited and their bodies became like a raging fire, losing control. They held hands, touched each other tenderly, gazing into each other’s eyes. The intimacy between them was all the four-play needed. She wanted him. He wanted her. They wanted each other. He pulled her into his lap, touching the small of her back. He then realized that she hadn’t worn any panties. He stroked her butt cheeks gently, caressing them with his massive hands. She moaned from pleasure. She grinded slowly on his manhood, feeling it grew inch by inch. A seductive smile escaped her lips.

                They loved each other soft and easy and then the intensely took their passion to another level. Raw chemistry, pushing them both over the edge of reasoning, she screamed pure delights, pushing herself further into his swollen member. He gazed deep into her eyes with every movement. She became hypnotized, transfixed on him, unable to take her eyes away from his. He moved, suddenly getting into his knees, bringing her down under him.

                She spread wide for him, giving him total access to her beautiful pink flower. He entered her slow at first and then gave faster, rougher strokes, causing ripples of waves to overtake her. She crawled at his back but he cupped her hands with one of his own. He used the other to bring one of her legs up to his shoulder. She was open and taking all of what he had to offer, which was more than she anticipated. All this time and she still hadn’t gotten used to just how well-endowed his was. Licking her lips, she almost fainted from all the pleasure she felt in that moment.

                He pumped up and down, fast and slowly, until he felt his loins on fire. A spark started in his toes, making its way up to his manhood. He exploded, casting his seed into the depths of her hidden jewel. She rode a few more waves of her own, feeling her release soar over his. She moved easy, milking him with her sweet cream. They kissed. They caressed. They made love.

                Now, he was gone. After all this time, long years for being with each other, there for each other, best friends. She should have never asked the question “Do you love me”. She wanted those words to die. She wanted to take them back but as she drifted off to sleep in his arms, he never answered, only stroked her hair with his hands.

When she woke up, he was gone. Her heart broke into a million tiny pieces but if she could love him a lifetime, she would love him with every tiny piece. She couldn’t help the way she felt about him. She sometimes hated ever telling her true feelings. Expressing herself had always left her alone…broken…wondering was there something wrong with her. If only he would have never left. What if she never saw him again? How was her life going to be? The thought caused endless tears to stream down her face.  

                She soaked up all the love she had inside, turned her attention back to the last hours they had spent together, channeling every emotion, feeling and thought to that magical moment, freezing it in her memory forever. If they never met again, she would have those beautiful moments to keep their love alive. If he didn’t love her, why would he pretend all this time? How could someone be so deceitful? And yet, she still loved him with every fiber of her existence.

                More rain fell. The wind howled louder. She heard the beat of her heart. Sadness consumed her in realization, she had given herself to someone who didn’t feel the same way she felt about him, about her. How could this happen again? Why was she always giving and receiving nothing in return, other than a cheap thrill…months of passion…being left all broken? “Shatters of a lonely heart” would forever be her theme song.

Never again, she declared in that moment and then the rain stopped. The sun kissed the clouds away, creating another beautiful day. She knew that she was not alone. If he never came back, she was never alone. A smile…a single tear…a laugh that cleansed her soul, she basked in the moment, feeling the presence of something powerful, something greater than any love that she had ever known.

                Love was present, shining through her window, piercing her entire body. Her soul smiled, her heart laughed and her body sealed it all inside, forever. She thought and thought and thought, trying to figure out what was happening. Then just like that, she got it.

“He can’t love you because he doesn’t love himself. He can’t give love. He’s not open to love. He has never known love, so he is afraid. Don’t blame yourself it’s nothing to do with you. And until he comes to that conclusion, he isn’t going to do anything but cause more pain to himself and others.” Suddenly, it became clearer. She was better off without him. She deserved better, someone who loved themselves enough, to love her eternally. No matter how much he gave her indescribable passion, pleasing her body, there was much more to it than that. She wept, feeling sorry for the next woman he encountered. She was in for a rude awakening or was she?

She realized too that, “they always give more, love more, fight more, pleasure more, devote more, commit more, try more, with the next!” But to each their own, life goes on and some the one who deserves her, all of her, who is willing to give all of him, would come and they would live happily blessed!     

Thursday, November 3, 2011

How many of today’s Society is having sex, refusing it with being intimate?

As I had a three-way conversation with two of my close friends last night, the topic of discussion took on a new life and we ended up here, intimacy vs. sex. Do many of you even know the difference between being intimate with someone verses just having sex? The two are entirely two different things, which many people confuse more often times than not.

Let me first give the definition of intimacy according to Webster: the state of being intimate, a close, familiar and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group. A close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc. an act of expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection, or the like.

Well, the list goes on and one, but the one definition that will forever be embedded in my mind is the one my brother gave. He simply stated that being intimate is “being in to me”. It’s impossible to become intimate with someone who isn’t into you, which in turns just equals SEX. Kudos, bruh, nice job! Do we really get to know someone before jumping into the sack? When after a few weeks, they don’t text, call or seem interested, we feel like shit! We blame or fault ourselves, thinking that something is wrong with us. This can lead to low self-esteem, bitterness, promiscuity and not really knowing our self-worth. I think it is crucial to at least know someone’s last name, parents names, likes and dislikes, interests, and at least five of his/her goals, before giving them your physical treasure. Hell, make them work for it! Most women don’t demand respect or make men work for their special jewel and vice versa.

It’s really not that hard to do, but we have conformed to society and what they think is acceptable. Back in the day, men courted women. They got to know them first. They went on long walks, talking, getting to know the person. There wasn't all of today's modern technology or social networking, so people simply got inside the house and talked. They got to know each others families, because unlike today, family was the essential part of having a lasting relationship with someone. Not saying that you should cater to their families, because not everyone is going to like you. You won’t like all of them either. It’s life. If we all liked everyone, we wouldn’t have a need for Homeland Security or our US Military. I’m just saying. Why? Because there would be no such thing called "WAR". If you plan to have something more, something special with someone, you will have to get along or be cordial to their families.

I think society has lost the most important morals and values, were intimacy is concerned. Women nowadays think that it is okay, expected of them, a form of self-expression, or freedom, to sleep with someone after the third date. Some will do it on the first night, therefore, the “one night stand”. Being free and open-minded is one thing but being stupid, fast and easy, is something totally misunderstood in our society. Men are let off the hook, not taking monogamy seriously in the least. Hell, most women don’t take monogamy serious. Sex has become so casual that most people just want to get a quick fix and move on to the next, if their sexual appetite isn’t satisfied. What will you have in common once the sex gets boring or played out? Nothing and so the cheating begins. There are more breakups and divorces in today's society because of the lack of intimacy.

Now, shall we take a look at the definition of sex?

Webster states that it is: the instinct or attraction drawing one sex toward another, or its manifestation in life and conduct, to arouse sexually, to increase the appeal of, to make more interesting, attractive or exciting, and to engage in sexual intercourse.

My definition of sex: knocking the boots, screwing, humping like rabbits, giving yourself do someone just because you listen to your genitals instead of your heart.  My list can go far and beyond but I will stop now before things out of hand. LOL Ya'll know where I'm going with this anyway! Moving right along.

Don’t get me wrong, sex is great but what comes after? Do you simply say “thank you” put your clothes back on, promise to get together again soon, and walk out the door without any intentions of seeing or hearing from the person again? True, if the sex was exciting, you will probably do it a few more times, but without anything more, hence "friends with benefits" "a booty call" "jump-off" "just something to do". The relationship is doomed before it even began.

I don’t understand how one can just give themselves to a stranger or someone they have only known a few weeks. Call me old-fashioned, but I’ll take that. I cannot even give it to my husband if he makes me mad in the a.m. and it’s late in the p.m. So therefore it takes communication. Talk, get to know each other, form some type of intimacy before jumping up and down, between the sheets, or wherever you decide to do it. Being intimate is so much more than sex. Emotions, feelings and thoughts play a huge part in intimacy. Having an emotional connection with someone outweighs just having sex any day in my book.

Learning what gets your partner’s motor running is ten times more exciting than just getting off. A quick nut is simply that, "a quick nut"! A soft stroke on the neck, holding hands, gazing into each other’s eyes and just being in the same room, doing completely opposite things to me, are the best forms of intimacy. Having a tummy ache and just being able to lay your head on your partner’s shoulder or lap, is a form of intimacy. Four-play is the best form of intimacy, instead of just ripping off each other’s clothing, going straight to the genitals, and then penetration. It is only sex. With intimacy, ripping your clothes will be so much better, hotter, passionate, fulfilling, invigorating, amazing, incredible! Hell, you get what I'm saying.

We all want it rough and dirty when we do it at times, but we also want something more when it is all over. I think that intimacy, love and passion all go hand in hand. If one of those three components is missing, it’s just sex. You can love someone and not be intimate with them or have passion for them. You can have passion without love. But, it’s hard to be intimate with someone you don’t love, desire or have passion for. I asked someone a question the other day. What is sex without love? He simply said, “A friend”. The only thing I could do was laugh. But at least he was honest. Now correct me if I’m wrong, please, but what kind of shit is that? Who wants to give themselves to someone, only to find out afterwards that they weren’t that into you and just want to be friends? I sure as hell wouldn’t! But there are some people out in the world who make this acceptable. How else do people know how to try their luck? Because someone allowed it to happen, once upon a time.

This post is based merely on personal experience and the discussion from last night with my two close friends, one being a male, the other a female. There's no right or wrong answer. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Feel free to post a comment if you have something to add, subtract, or just share. I welcome your thoughts and feedback.  

Take your time and get to know someone first. Everything else will fall into place. Years later, you will look over at that person and smile, knowing that you could have missed out of the chance to love, be intimate with and have undying passion for,  not just a few minutes of sex. Let’s all face the music, sex without intimacy is just “FUCKING” point blank, period, as my silly friend LALA would say. Try intimacy, I dare you. Life will be so much better, easier and safer. Your heart won’t get broken as much, if at all. There is still time because there is someone out there for us all. If you already have them, work harder, fighter stronger to preserve what the two of you have. When you are old, gray and barely able to get around, and you can’t do the things in the bedroom like you used to, you will be able to withstand the hands of time. Keep being intimate! Not only will the sex be so much incredible when you intertwine the two, you will love and cherish each other a million times more. Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed!   

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Another month has gone and come. For October, I started writing a novel called "Sugah and Spice". I have 18 chapters which are on the blog. The other chapters won't be posted. This is just a sneakpeek of my first novel. I hope you all enjoyed and when I learn more about the book being published, you all will be the first to know. Thanks for all your support. Please feel free to post comments about each chapter. I look forward to your insight and feedback. November will in a random and unpredicted month. Whatever mood I'm in will determine what I write and post. So be surprised!! Great stories, topics, food for thought and much more to come.