Tuesday, February 7, 2012

“Just Because You don’t think it is, it’s still Cheating”

Many people form their own perceptions, justifications and reasons behind having affairs in marriages and/or serious relationships. More often than not, the persons involved don’t take full responsibility of the situation and just own up to it. Relationships do have their ups and downs. There are many possible scenarios that pan out along the journey but with communication, commitment and compassion, there isn’t any obstacle that can stand in the way of maintaining or getting back to “happy”, as one of my favorite authors Terry McMillan’s latest book proclaims. For those of you who haven’t read it, it’s the sequel to her book “waiting to exhale”, that went on to become a great movie success. Let’s face it, “life happens”, “tragedy strikes” and “assuming we know and think what the other thinks” can cause a rift that can lead to many forms of “CHEATING”.  Sure most people, I having been one included, felt as if just communicating with someone of the opposite sex, other than your mate, wasn’t considered cheating, but it is. Yes I agree that men and women can be friends, but this comes with a fine line of knowing how to maintain that level of friendship. Having an emotional connection with someone who isn’t your significant other isn’t supposed to happen, especially in a marriage or seriously committed relationship. Jeopardizing something special just isn’t worth it. How would you really feel if your spouse/mate/partner/significant other was the one doing it to you? We never know until put in the situation, but I just bet your last dollar that it wouldn’t feel too good.

I think that communication should be the barrier to withstand such actions to take place. Just talk it out. Whether you think you’re sparing each other’s feelings, protecting them or just assuming, still communicate. At least that way the both of you will know exactly what’s on the other’s mind. There can be determined a solution to the problem, or you may realize that there isn’t as big of a problem as you thought. Just because you are just talking to someone without any intentions to go further, it can lead to other things. You can say things to belittle your partner venting frustrations, and that’s not fair, right or simply the way of going about doing things in a serious relationship. Even if you think you are being taken for granted, not looked at as equal in the relationship or trying to get back at the other for something said or done in the past, it still doesn’t make it okay. Remember the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I have spoken about this rule in several posts before, and I still believe as such, but we are only human. We all make mistakes, say and do things that we are not proud of, but it is up to us to make wise decisions. Don’t play off emotions, bad memories, or little fragments of conversation between you and your mate. There is nothing good that can come from this. Besides, two wrongs don’t make a right!

In the future, be aware and consider all possibilities. Even if you have intentions to confess, something can come up that may cause you not to and then that only makes matters worse in the end. Wait! Let’s back up a minute. Simply don’t even put yourself in situations that can lead to something that can cause chaos in your relationships. People do have hidden agendas. Some people may not want to see you happy and will do or say any and everything to tear your relationship a part. Yes, we all have been there or know of someone who has. When you are left lonely, unhappy, miserable and bitter, where are those same people? Exactly, nowhere to be found! I say all of this to say, “It is just not worth it”. If you are blessed enough to have someone who loves you deeply, unconditionally and beyond, don’t do anything to change that. Life is hard as is, and finding true love is a gift from God. Don’t take it lightly, for granted, or jeopardize that for anything. Even if your intentions were good, wrong is wrong is wrong! Be the person you want your mate to be to you or someone you want your children be and love. In the end it’s not difficult, especially when the people in the relationship are able to communicate openly, honestly and about everything under the sun.

Spend time with each other, just the two of you. This plays an important role is having and maintaining a great relationship. Especially if you have children in the home, you still need “alone time”. Sure we love your children; love being with them, but having that quality time to yourself is a necessity in a great relationship. Talk about everything, even if it’s been talked about before. Play with each other. Encourage one another. Motivation each other, laugh with each other. Most importantly, pray with and for one another. Uplift and inspire instead of tear down and discourage. The way you treat your mate is essential to a solid relationship. And always remember that words cut deep even if you don’t think so.

Start today in your relationship by doing something special for your partner. Compliment them. I challenge you to write down or say two things that you love about them each day for as long as it takes to keep your relationship in a positive direction. Give hugs and kisses. Write little love notes and hide them somewhere they can find them. I am not an expert of relationships nor do I profess to be, but if I am able to help someone as well as my own relationship in the process, then so be it. Why sit on the information? We all deserve to be in a wonderful, loving and committed relationship. Why not be?

If anyone would like to share positive information, stories or just leave a comment regarding this particular topic, feel free to do so. You have a voice, use it! Until next time, be inspired, be encouraged, be blessed and be a better you!

Keke Chanel

Follow me on twitter @keke_chanel

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