Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Let's Talk About Sex (Part 1)

Great Sex

Sex, a topic considered by most as TABOO. But hey, let’s face it, everyone who is currently reading this blog at the moment has either had or is having great sex as we speak. Sure the subject is touchy, which I’ve learned that a considerable amount of people find discussing extremely sensitive or embarrassing. I am just lucky enough to have a small circle of friends who welcome and grow from such discussions, women especially. Although when we get together sex isn’t the topic of choice, it just always seems to become were the conversation goes. I believe that being able to talk and share with people you love and care for most, is essential to maintaining healthy relationships. Although our opinions sometimes differ, there is no right or wrong answer because everyone isn’t into the same things or at least hasn’t come in contact with his/her full potential (inner-freak). Great sex can be defined in many ways depending on the people you ask but I think mine come close to what we all wish to accomplish from the act. If you have your own, please by all means share. I am open to learning new things, to feed my most treasured muscle (my brain) on a daily basis. One can never have too much knowledge, wouldn’t you agree? Now, back to the subject, let me just share what I think great sex is and go from there. My definition of GREAT SEX is, reaching your full potential of climax (release), while experiencing intense passion and extreme pleasure, giving yourself totally and completely.

Many people don’t get to experience great sex until later in life, if at all. I personally didn’t receive my first orgasm until I was in my mid-twenties and not by penetration but clitoral stimulation. Most women don’t ever experience a vaginal orgasm, EVER!!! Unless one comes across a lover who is not selfish, who aims to please and who has no indiscretions when it comes to sex, one may never reach their prize called great sex, receiving the reward of orgasm. I pity those who haven’t gotten there yet, I was once a member of that club. (Boo-woo) That is when you have to take matters into your own hands (literary) and become the teacher. Who is better at knowing what one likes or dislikes than oneself? Don’t be embarrassed or prideful, too afraid to explore and become familiar with your body. Embrace it, learn it, feel what feels good or turns you on. Get to know your erogenous zones (points of sexual stimulation) so that you can teach or show them to your lover. What makes you want it? What gets your juices flowing? Whether it is a slight brush on your neck or a soft kiss on your shoulder, know it and relay the information. Besides, the more your lover knows or discovers about what turns you on, the more pleasure you receive, which in turns creates great sex.

Women especially, should know your scent or smell. Too many of us don’t know our natural scent so when a problem arises; it is hard to distinguish good vs. bad. I had the pleasure of having a great female Gyne, who didn’t have a problem being out-spoken. She was very informative, insightful and helped break me out of my shell, so to speak. She helped me become more comfortable with my body, answered questions, recommended books, techniques and other knowledgeable information regarding the female anatomy. I hate that I moved and lost her as my doctor. Today, I am a better person, woman and lover, who knows what she wants, needs and desires and who doesn’t feel the need or want to settle on anything less. I have been in a few situations where I had to do a little demonstration so that my partner could see and know just where and how I like to be touched. After all, if you are not willing to show and tell, you may end up highly unsatisfied, equally pissed off and one of those people who hasn’t experienced great sex. You can also become one of those people who don’t want anything more than to get as far away as possible from the person who screwed up but left you screwed, if you get what I mean. Some people are born to be great lovers, who listens, takes pride in pleasing instead of being closed-minded, selfish individuals; some just need a little guidance to get there. Being a teacher is not always a bad thing unless you have gone over the same lessons again and again and the student just doesn’t get it or care not to. Either way, it may be time to move on, for real! So my advice is to know your body!

Many people say that sex is overrated but I think the people who say that just hasn’t experienced great sex. Question, is it possible to have great sex without intimacy? I don’t know about you all but if there is no emotional intimacy, then there cannot be any physical intimacy. Yes it’s true, women are more emotional and men are more physical but the fact still remains that not everyone is meant to share your most prized possession and I’m speaking of the heart.  True, attraction is key but don’t turn your nose up at less attractive people. I’ve been told that they make some of the best lovers. (Lol) Once the heart is involved, I believe that intimacy grows immensely; therefore giving, suddenly becomes more important just as much as receiving were sex is concerned. How can one be a good lover if the only thing he/she wants to do is receive pleasure and offer nothing in return? There is nothing, I mean absolutely anything worse than a selfish lover. Don’t even get me started on that one! Relax, relate, release! Wu-sah and all that good stuff! (Lol) Another topic up for discussion! Seriously, who wants to deal with being left hot and bothered, having an itch that hasn’t been scratched or left hornier than when you first started? Bottom line, if you have a lover who is giving, loving, caring and open, please, please, please, thank your lucky stars. They are truly precious and rare!

Now don’t take this topic as a sign or go-ahead to just give your body to just anybody. I am definitely not saying that. There are three rules that I will share that I practiced along my journey, which kept me sane, with my freedom but most of all disease free in this complicated world. First, I believe that having only one lover at a time is essential and less stressful. I have never really got the whole deal of casual sex, multiple partners and all that nonsense but to each, their own, right. Secondly, be safe. It takes more than three dates to know a person and if the itch hits you, be responsible and use protection. Two consenting adults, who both share the same sexual appetite and agree on their terms, owe no explanation to anyone on what or whom they choose to share themselves with. Question: Why is it that when men sleep with several women at a time, they are considered “playas”, “the man”, a “Mack daddy” but when women do it, they are considered “loose”, “sluts”, “whores”, “trifling”? Maybe this should be a topic up for discussion. Anyway, thirdly, make sure when you take the next step in a relationship (sex) there are some kind of emotions involved. Or maybe not, like I said, these are the principles I used when I was out in the dating world. I just don’t understand how anyone can just give themselves without any type of feelings or emotions. Yeah, looks can turn you on and make you want to rip the clothes off a person when you see them, but what happens after that? What if they turn out to be seriously screwed up? Bottom line, just be cautious!

If these tips help someone along their journey “cool beans” and if not, keep doing you. Life is too short to live unhappy, settling, getting cheated of ever experiencing “great sex”. Remember, sometimes it’s better to become the teacher in order to receive the ultimate prize from your lover. Don’t be embarrassed to learn and know your body. Share the information with your lover so that he/she will know how to please you. Experiment, role-play, do things that you usually wouldn’t do to bring some kind of spice or spontaneity into the relationship. Having fun is key factor to a healthy sex life and any successful relationship. Laughter cleanses the soul, smiling brightens the spirit and great sex leaves everyone wondering where they can get some of what you got because the glow you give off is simply intoxicating, breathtaking and beautiful. Besides, in the end if you are the one always left unfulfilled or pissed off, there is simply no one but to blame other than you.  Ahh, got you pondering that thought, huh!

Next up: Let’s Talk About Sex Part 2 (The Act of Making Love)
Passion and Pleasure,
Keke Chanel

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