Thursday, August 18, 2011

Let's Talk About Sex (Part 3) "Does It Actually Melt in Your Mouth instead of Your Hand"

Can you be in a Serious Relationship without Oral Sex?
Okay, so we all know that sex is considered TABOO but there is one topic in particular that goes above and beyond that, Oral Sex. Yes, many of us have experienced oral sex at some point in our lives, if not, you never miss what you haven't had. Was it mind-blowing or like watching paint dry? I was twisting my hair today, thinking of nothing remotely close to sex but the question popped into my pretty little head. I sent out a mass text to my family, friends, classmates and a few other contacts just to see what the response would be. To my surprise, the texts came flowing in and the answers astounded me. Needless to say, the topic was embraced. People were very open about it and shared honestly and truthfully. I was shocked, impressed and proud.

Throughout the years women especially, have been taught that “good girls don’t do that” leaving a lot of us too afraid or just downright against even trying it. One answer that I received from a female, who I shall leave unnamed was, “I think that is nasty and I don’t do that. I will ever do that. If that is what it takes to keep a man, I will just be single for the rest of my life.” I was like, “DAMN!!! Girl, chill the hell out. It isn’t a matter of life or death. I was simply asking an innocent question. But don’t knock it til you try it.” Anyone who knows me would probably say that I will very out-spoken, competitive, adventurous and would try almost anything once, that way, if I don’t like something, I can honestly say that I don’t because I have tried it, instead of going on what others say about it.

Another answer that really got me going was, “No, because that is the only way I can achieve an orgasm. Sucks, I know. Lol” Now, I know that this is mainly something women experience, but if there are any men out there, please share. Leave a comment. There is a known fact that many women cannot achieve orgasm without stimulation to the clitoral area, whether by hand or mouth, if this is the only way to achieve orgasm, just have the “conversation” with your partner in the beginning of the relationship. That way, if he/she is not down, there is no time wasted and you can go on to the person out there waiting to make all your dreams come true. Make you see the stars, make your toes curl and ride the best wave of your life. Don't give up, lose hope, they are out there waiting.

On a more serious note, one of the best answers I received was from my aunt’s boyfriend. He is an older guy who obviously knows what he is talking about. He just broke it down and it will forever be broken. His answer was, “I feel that oral sex takes the relationship beyond physical. It shows the person that you have trust and honestly in your relationship. It takes your relationship to a place so beautiful and passionate that lets each of you know that there is not one else but the two of you.” I was just “Damn”. I really wasn’t expecting anyone to go that deep on me, but he said it with confidence, pride and great wisdom. I saw the whole thing as much more. Too many people do it to  any and every one that come in contact with that it becomes disturbing, disgusting even. There is nothing special about putting your mouth on everything with a damn face! I do agree that oral sex should be shared between two individuals on more than just a physical level. True, physical chemistry should be enough, but sex can become boring. We have to be able to spice things up a bit and use different techniques, toys, games, etc. to stay connected with each other. I just want to say “kudos” to him for really thinking about this topic and being open about it with me. And Auntie, I bet he is rocking your damn world, fa real!!! I ain't mad at you, at all!!! LOL

As I read each other response, many of the women said that they could be in a relationship without oral sex. A few said that they have been in relationships were they received and didn’t give and it worked out great. The question is: Are they still together? I was talking with a friend of mine a few weeks ago and he shared with me that he didn’t have to have oral sex. He said that it just didn’t do it for him. I told him that in order to enjoy and like oral sex, the one giving has to like and enjoy doing it. True, if you are in a situation where you’re on the receiving end of it and not enjoying it, you may shy away from it. But I say if the sex is so incredible, I don’t have to have it. (Now, that’s just me, so to each, their own.) Have you ever had Dick so good that you didn’t even care about foreplay? If you haven’t, Damn, but those of us who have, high-fives all around. Whew, just thinking about it makes me want to dance, scream, run and shout. As one of my classmates said, “Taste is one of the best gifts God blessed us with,” but "touch is even better".

The thing that got me was all the responses saying that some just don’t get it, know how to do it, and will probably never get it. This can turn anyone away from oral sex. Hell, who wants to even go there in the first place once you have gone there a time or two and received something so bad that you now have sworn it off forever. This can definitely make you look at oral sex in a new way, but on the other hand, if you receive some of the best and then receive some of the worse, what happens next? Would you become the teacher or simply walk away from the relationship? “Anyone, feel free to comment on that, please. Inquiring minds wanna know.”  What if you have been with someone for a long time and oral sex never came up before and then the two of you decide to mix it up and try something new, and you the giver, give your all and he shows and tells you so, but as the receiver, you get disappointed as hell? What do you do? Communication is the best weapon to a successful relationship, isn’t it? My silly friend said that her man told her, "if you ain't sucking, we ain't fucking". Yes indeed!!! What about, "if you ain't eating, I don't need it?" Don't require and give nothing!! Hell!!

A few people were confused. My guess is that they have experienced both good and bad and are just confused at the moment because of whom they are with currently. Experience is the best teacher, so I say show and tell. What harm could it do? Some students become the best teachers and star students when given a little guidance. I also say that most people will know after a few conversations or time spent with their partners whether or not they will be compatible in the bedroom. Although looks can be deceiving, because I was once told that I was shy, timid and too goody-two-shoes, but Baaaabbbyyyyyy, let me tell ya!!! (Not even)  I can say that if one is not on that emotional level with his/her mate, the sex is going to be boring but once you get there, it will become the best sex of your life whether oral sex is a part of it or not. Trust and believe!

Some people need to feel a sense of security, level of confidence and be comfortable in a relationship with a person before it is taken to the next level of intimacy. Intimacy is tricky but well worth the wait. Becoming intimate isn’t about sex at all. In fact, being intimate doesn’t even have to require sex. You can gaze into his/her eyes, held hands, kiss their lips or just lay in their arms watching television and receive so much passion and intimacy than sex itself. Intimacy ignites passion, passion brings pleasure and with pleasure, sex goes to a special place we all wish to travel at some point in our lifetime. Some get there and sadly, some doesn’t and that will ultimately let one know that they are with the wrong person. Not that relationships are based on sex, but it does play an important rule. There are three things that can make or break a relationship: communication, sex and money. Right or wrong, let me know. (Leave a comment in the comment box) If I’m wrong, then I’m wrong but I don’t think that I am.

Another comment I received from a very good friend of mine was, “I think if I was married, then no. If I was with someone for a few years, then yes. But you know relationships have different meanings. Everyone doesn’t take them as serious. Some people want only oral sex when others think it’s just nasty.” I never really thought of it that way before. It opened up another question, could you be the only one giving and not receiving? Another friend of mine said, That's a no for me on and off the blog. I have been bitten by the oral sex bug unfortunately, so there you go. She shared that she gave and gave and gave, but didn't receive in the end. She said that whenever asked or not, she was on it, and he still didn't go there. Was he being selfish by allowing her to do it, even ask her to and not give himself? I didn’t ask that question but I do want to know what people have to say about it. I may ask later but those who are reading the blog feel free to comment. Your thoughts and comments are welcomed and needed. They help me to grow and speak openly about various topics that others think are off-limits. This is a passion blog and the best way to passion is through sex, so there you go. I will speak on it. Not everyone is going to agree, accept or like what I have to say, but so what! What fun is that anyway? I love a good debate and proving my point across. It helps me stay on my toes. Again, to each, their own right!

I am glad this topic found me and I was able to find you. Sex isn’t supposed to be something dirty, nasty, not talked about. I believe that anything done in good taste can bring great insight, motivation and appreciation to many others. Some people want to know what others think and how they resolve different issues. (Stick with me Kid we will work through them together!) I see people on a day to day basis who walk around uptight, bitter, corky, complete assholes. You think it's because they're not getting to their happy ending? Maybe they are givers who what to receive? I say to them, Wu-sah!!! But in the end if we are left unsatisfied, it is our fault. Use your mouth to voice your opinion, concern or rock someone's world. You chose. Let me know what happens. "Ya'll know I'm nosy!" Anyway, back to the question at hand, “Can you be in a serious relationship without oral sex?” You let me know!!

Next Up: Let’s Talk about Sex Part 4: Swinging
(Only the open-minded need to read)

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