Friendship, Dating and Relationships--Part (9)

“Does Adapting in a relationship mean changing who you are?”

 (Trying new things, good or bad?)

We have all adapted to something, at some point in time. It is one of Darwin’s Laws of Natural Selection and how a species is able to survive. It speaks about learning to adapt to your surroundings in order to stay alive. Think about it for a minute, if we as infants didn’t grasp the concept of feeding on a bottle or our mom’s breast, we would have died because of not being able to nourish our bodies to grow. So, whether an infant or adult, at some point in our lives, we have to learn to adapt. Relationships are no exception to the rule. For example, say you love eating chocolate cake after making love. If you become intimate with a new lover and he/she sees you do this each and every time you finish, well eventually they may ask or even offer to have some of the cake. That doesn’t mean that they are changing who they are, it only means that they are adapting or trying something new that you find satisfying. Maybe they will like it or maybe they won’t, at least they tried it for themselves to gather that conclusion. It doesn’t make them a bad person, a follower or a pushover; it simply means that they love you enough to try what you like. Wouldn’t you do the same thing for them?

I have heard countless times how relationships end because one person thinks that because the other person involved tried to get them to learn or try something new, they took it as something negative rather than positive. Don’t be so quick to avoid change or trying new things. It can help you become a better person, help someone else dealing with the exact same thing or know if the person who wants you to try it, is good or bad for you. Consequently, we will know if they are trying to manipulate us or encourage us into trying new things. Now, if the new thing is forced upon you, then it isn’t a positive reinforcement for the relationship. However, if your guy/girl loves football and they ask you to watch a game with them, this isn’t something forced. It is merely them wanting you to get involved in something they love. They want to be able to spend time with you and do one of the things that they also enjoy doing. You may even find yourself enjoying the sport too. Besides, you get to spend time with your special someone, stealing kisses during a timeout or commercial break. Who wouldn’t like that?

I see men adapting in relationships all the time, especially to spend time each his woman. Whether it is only a friend whom wants to become something more, getting to know someone new to your life or a husband who wants to spend more time with his wife, they do it willing. I’m talking about shopping! Everyone knows that most men go to the particular item that they are looking for, see if it works for them, pay for it and then they are ready to go. (Right or wrong, you tell me.) Now, don’t get me wrong, there are lots of men who love shopping but more often than not, the reason they do is because of adapting to it. Their mom may have spent hours at the mall and they had no choice but to make the best out of it. They may have been shopping with a woman they cared about and looked forward to seeing her try on different outfits to get his opinion on it, just to be with her. What man doesn’t like seeing a woman try on clothing like shows off her body? A husband may go to the mall when his wife goes to buy new shoes and sit there all day watching the way the shoes make her legs look sexy and imagine them in the air or her in them and nothing else. This doesn’t mean they like going, it simply means they are adapting. They also find out that they get something from the experience too. What? They get to spend quality time with the special woman in their life.

I love reading books. My guy knows this and I can be in a room with my book and he will just come in and sit in the same room and smile. Now, he doesn’t read books, only magazines but he confessed that he only wants to be in the same room as I am. This is sweet and enduring, sexy. I can feel the passion between us, radiating in the air. Although I’m reading my book, I cannot wait to get him alone, out of his clothes and make love to him. And plus, I get to sneak looks at him. The smallest things can transmit the most enormous chemistry and pleasures, if we just open our minds and try new things. Don’t look at it as being weak or being too prideful to express your feelings, thoughts and emotions. Don’t let your friends or someone on the outside looking,   influence your decisions pertaining to your relationship. In the end, it is only you and that person, no one else. You will know in your heart if the decision you make is good or bad, right or wrong. And in the end, after trying something new or adapting, if you don’t like it then it is up to you to communicate with your partner about it. They are not mind-readers and neither are you. We have to show and tell or simply tell.

Bottom line, try new things, learn to adapt, compromise or anything else that works for you. You will be better from it, learn from it and know what you want from your relationship. Making mistakes isn’t the problem we all have. It’s learning from those mistakes that we fall short on. I try to take something positive from each situation I encounter, good or bad. It helps me grow, become and better me and move forward no without any regrets. There is nothing wrong with new things. You may learn that you love some of them, if you just free yourself and become free. (Some of you will get that later!) Until next time, have fun, explore and trust your judgment and if you may mistakes, brush your shoulders off and keep it moving! Don’t let life pass you by without joining in and living it to the fullest.