Frienship, Dating and Relationships (Part 4)

“Don’t turn your back on your family and friends because you are in a relationship”

Now I will be the first one to admit being guilty of this very thing. I am not proud to say it but I have pushed people away or turned my back on friends when I got into a relationship. It was mainly because the guy didn’t want me to talk to or hang out with them, just so he could control me. He wanted me to be totally depended on him, have no one but him and that is sick. No one should want you not to have friends and family to spend time with, besides whom will you talk about him with? LOL

If someone wants you to do that, you should walk away. Nothing good will come from the relationship. In fact, he will get more controlling, become physically and mentally abusive and eventually take you from high to low. Don’t you think there is something unstable with him/her if they are trying to keep you by yourself? That way when he/she goes upside your head and it will happen, you don’t have anyone to call or nowhere else to turn. I was blind to that fact until I realized that when he hurt me, I couldn’t tell anyone or get any advice from anyone because I had pushed them all away. I felt stupid, ashamed, trapped and sometimes unable to breathe.

I thought that he was being sweet, taking our relationship seriously enough to want to spend as much time together as possible. Now, there is nothing wrong with spending time together while in a relationship but sometimes it is always good to have some alone time. Taking time for yourself whether in a relationship or not is one of the best forms of therapy. Knowing who you are is essential to maintaining great friendships and a lasting relationship. No one wants to be with someone who doesn’t even know who or what they are or want out of a relationship. With that being said, men also need their personal space. They don’t like to feel crowded, smothered or anything pertaining to be whipped or unable to do “his” thing. But people who want to be together will do just that. They will make and find time to spend together to show his/her Sweetie that they are important and special.

Most men I have been friends with for many years, welcome to time that their woman spend with her friends. It gives them time apart to miss each other, flirt a little and show just how much she was missed when she gets back. Most of my friends, who are guys, think having girlfriends are great but when they pose a threat to his and your relationship, he verbalizes that fact early on instead of allowing it to actually happen. He doesn’t want your friends knowing everything that goes on in your relationship either. In fact, some times are better left unsaid. Yeah we all have that one girlfriend who knows everything that there is going on, but is that really healthy? My best friend knows mostly everything there is to know but she and I have an understanding in our relationship. We know that some things are better taken to the grave and that’s the way it is, period.

Ladies, we also need to learn that our men need their boys. And trust me, they will know how important you are and know not to try and cross that line. Men need to feel like men and having boys play a huge part in that. Now, boys will be boys but your guy will know before he leaves the house that he can look all he wants but bring that home for his woman. My guy does, that is. He knows that we don’t have to be together 24/7 but we have that trust already established. It’s been there for over fifteen years now and I don’t think it’s ever going anywhere. He knows as well as I know that we can go spend time with the girls, party like it’s 1999 but don’t party too much. Don’t cross the line. Yeah, guys will try to holler and yes, females will try to get yours and every guy’s attention in the building, but he won’t take it there out of the respect and love he has for you. So, there is no need to push your friends away when you are involved in a relationship. Oh and don’t let his boys like you, you are definitely a keeper!

As for as family is concerned it can be tricky where relationship are concerned, which can either make or break a strong bond. When a man loves his mother and other family hard, he will do any and everything to keep it that way plus include the woman of his life in it. He will make it clear that she is someone special about even introducing her to them, so there is no if’s and’s or but’s about it. On the other hand, when the woman doesn’t really put forth an effort to become a member, keeping peace when there is clearly tension, she make not stay in the relationship long. This will definitely be determined or should be way before marriage is mentioned. It’s sad that we all have been through or know people who don’t like their mate’s family. “Can we all just get along?” It’s not hard getting along with people especially your guy’s family and vice versa. Try your best and then if it is something that cannot be resolved, I think you should evaluate your relationship to see if anything more can develop. We cannot pick and choose our families but we can pick and choose the people we want to bring into them. With that being said, more times than not, when one doesn’t get along with someone’s family, he/she won’t be happy in a relationship. The situation will only bring tension and stress to the happy couple, ultimately ending with breakup.  

When a woman loves her family, she loves them but she will be more likely to push them away if they don’t like or respect her man. This is sad because she should want that family will be there when no one else is. I’m not saying she should just allow her family to make her man feel uncomfortable, unwanted or anything of the sort but she should know that her family wants nothing but the best for her. I don’t know what it is about “Mothers” but they have loser radar and can spot a loser from miles away. Trust and believe that not everyone in your circle will care for your mate but if everyone says the same thing, you should open your damn eyes and see that he/she doesn’t mean you any good. Don’t wait until he starts treating you like dirt or staying out late or not coming home at all. We may not like what they have to say but listen. It will save a lot of time and wasted energy on someone who shouldn’t be in your life.

Bottom line; don’t get rid of the people who came before the person you just met. They will be there even after you have pushed them away. When you have friends who are there for a lifetime, they will forgive but never forget. They won’t say “I told you so” but they will let you know that they were right in some way, shape or form. There are some shady people out in the world. Don’t waste time you could be spending with true friends and devoted family on someone who will drag you through the mud and back again. Someone who wants the best for you won’t try to make you chose or make you push anyone away unless they know without a shadow of a doubt that those people don’t have your back. No one should live life alone and family and friends are rare treasures we tend to take advantage of or forget that they have always been there no matter what. Be happy! Be you and be watchful of wolves in sheep’s clothing!