Thursday, September 8, 2011

Friendship, Dating and Relationships—(Part 7)

“Communicate or lack thereof can make or break any relationship”     

Communication, a weapon of destruction to any relationship if it becomes nonexistent between the people involved it, whether you’re dating, friends or associates, lovers, married or single. We all tend to forget that communication was the thing that drew us close in the first place. Without being able to communicate, how could anyone get to know anyone else?  How do relationships even form? We learn if we have anything in common, what we feel strongly about, if we can stand being around each other for more than five minutes, through communicating. Friendships need communication. Dating requires strong communication but relationships that will last, depend on how well the two people involved, communicate with each other. Not being able to converse will tear any type of relationship to shreds. How will you stay connected? How will you be able to share your day, good news and other important life changing factors without being able to speak openly about them?

Now, talking and communicating are two entirely different things, which I hate most people don’t get because more often than not, the one who is doing all the talking, really doesn’t know how to communicate at all. They tend to be self-centered, bad listeners, confrontational and don’t care about anyone but themselves. Sometimes it’s best to just listen. In relationships, this particular factor is crucial. Whether you know it at the time or not, the other person is observing to see if you care about his/her day, problem or just want to hear what they have to say instead of always running off at the mouth. Don’t expect someone to just listen and listen and listen while you talk, vent or whatever and then not give them the same thing in return. A one-sided conversation never ends well. In fact, too many of them will only push the other person further away and nine times out of ten, into the arms of someone who does want to hear about all of those things from them.

Communication connects us on an emotional, more personal level. Once there is a solid emotional connection, the relationship is unbreakable. True, men are physical but they also want to be with someone who can listen, communicate and give them great advice. Your tits and ass are not going to sit up high like that forever. Sure, the pudding will still be good but he will need to be able to have a conversation with you at some point. Sex can only last for so long. You both have to come up for air, and then what? Hey, I’m just saying! Have something more to offer than just your body. Know how to communicate to stimulate his/her mind. Know how to keep his/her attention with words of wisdom, things that keep him thinking about you all day and craving more. There is nothing like having an intellectual conversation so deep, so pure, that passion radiates all around you. I love getting put in the mood for making love by my man when he says something intelligent. He doesn’t have to even touch me to make me cum. A man being able to communicate like that is sexy as hell to me. Whew!!

How can one give great advice but to listen first? Listening and communicating go hand in hand. Those two components will determine just how far any relationship will go. When we love and care about another person, we want the best for them. We give all of ourselves. We open ourselves completely to them and every aspect of their life. There is nothing we cannot communicate about, so in turn, the bond between us only gets stronger, building a union no one can tear apart. Most relationships with that kind of foundation, will last a lifetime. Friendships will continue to grow and we all will be able to weed out the good and bad people who enter our lives. Not every person who comes into our life is meant to be there a long period of time. Think about it, if we all got along, had everything in common; there wouldn’t be so much hatred or chaos in the world.

So, don’t be afraid to open up, start a conversation and/or just listen. See what others have to say instead of always expecting to be heard. Take advantage of it if you have people in your life who love to communicate. Those are the people you should admire, respect and learn from. Those people are rare.  It isn’t always easy for people to talk, especially men, but don’t make them regret or shy away from it when they do decide to share their feelings, thoughts or emotions. My small circle of friends and I can talk about any and everything, which I am grateful for. It keeps us close, grounded and able to see the full benefit of being able to converse openly, without fear or shame. It keeps us aware of what’s going on in each other’s lives, so we can help each other get through it. It also teaches us the full benefit of what true friendship should be like. We may not talk every day, every week or even every month, but when we do, it’s like time stood still. We are always able to pick up just where we left off because of our ability to communication. As I said before, communication is essential to beginning, maintaining, strengthening and building strong, lasting relationships. I am still friends with old boyfriends because we were always able to talk. I treasure those friendships. Sometimes it’s better to just be friends instead of something more. We were able to determine this factor because of our strong communication whether good or bad things came about. I am happy that I have been blessed with friends who will be in my life a lifetime instead of a reason or only a season. Those relationships teach me so many things every day and will forever remain near and dear to me. Don’t lose out on great ones due to lack of communication!     

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